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TPO 42 - Question 1Choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard. Explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you. v.1

TPO 42 - Question 1Choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard. Explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you. v. 1
Computer based training is an increasing trend in the modern world; therefore, some claim that we will no longer need teachers in the classroom. I do not agree with this claim because, education is an art and based on some emotions, so computers are not very good at those areas. It is clear that computers use widely today’s education system, such as videos and programs. However, it has just a supporting role in the classroom at the moment and the main actor is still teachers. Even though there have been many developments in the computer technologies, they cannot produce any appropriate art today. Because our feelings and human interactions are really complex issues, that computers cannot maintain this role. I think teachers have some emotional roles in education that we need in the classroom. As human, we have emotional bonds with our teachers which we cannot build this relationship with a computer. If we like the course, we will be successful; otherwise, we fail. The role of a teacher is to get our interest in this course. For example, an English teacher tells us beautiful stories of the English people or read poems of this language. Then we start to love this lesson. A teacher can feel his students’ emotions and change himself due to their reactions. Moreover, teachers encourage us, proud of us, shout at us, punish us and even blame us sometimes. So, we change our attitude to our teacher’s feelings. On the other hand, computers are too mechanic to maintain those roles. To summarise, due to education is a complex issue and it is a kind of art, those smart machines cannot replace teachers and in my opinion, computers can only educate computers.
Computer based training is an increasing trend in the modern world;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that we will no longer need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the classroom. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an art and based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
computers are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at those areas.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, such as videos and programs.
However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a supporting role in the classroom at the moment and the main actor is
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Even though
there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developments in the computer technologies, they cannot produce any appropriate art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
our feelings and human interactions are
really
complex issues, that computers cannot maintain this role.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emotional roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that we need in the classroom. As human, we have emotional bonds with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
which we cannot build this relationship with a computer. If we like the course, we will be successful;
otherwise
, we fail. The role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our interest in this course.
For example
, an English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
stories of the English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or read poems of this language. Then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this lesson. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can feel his students’ emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
himself due to their reactions.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
encourage us, proud of us, shout at us, punish us and even blame us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our attitude to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher’s
feelings.
On the other hand
, computers are too mechanic to maintain those roles.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a complex issue and it is a kind of art, those smart machines cannot replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and in my opinion, computers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educate computers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO 42 - Question 1Choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard. Explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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