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Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to supp v.1

Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to supp v. 1
It is argued that children over fifteen years should have the freedom to take their decisions and parents should not interfere with that. This essay completely agrees with the notion because it can make them independent and mentally strong. Also, it will increase their confidence and they can be more successful in life. The primary reason why children should take their own decisions is that they can become mentally strong and they do not have to depend on others. In other words, children can learn from their mistakes and they will be able to face any situation in life. Therefore, they will think about the consequences before taking any decision and this will make them mentally stronger. For example, a study done by the Guardian in the year 2017, revealed that people who took their own decisions at an early age are 30% more mentally stronger than the others are. Another reason to consider is that their confidence level can rise and self- confident people are usually more successful in life. That is to say, if children choose their career by themselves and get success in their chosen field, they will become self-confident. As a result, they can excel in their career and can be successful in the future. For instance, Sachin Tendulkar chose cricket as his career at an early age, he scored his first century, when he was just 16 and this increases his confidence, and now he is one of the successful cricketers in the country. In conclusion, parents should not interfere with decision making for children who are above 15 because it can make them mentally strong and can boost up their confidence and they will become successful.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
over fifteen years should have the freedom to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and parents should not interfere with that. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
strong.
Also
, it will increase their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confidence and
they can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life.

The primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
is that they can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strong and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on others.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mistakes and
they will be able to face any situation in life.
Therefore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
stronger.
For example
, a study done by the Guardian in the year 2017, revealed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who took their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
at an early age are 30% more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
stronger than the others are.

Another reason to consider is that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
level can rise and self- confident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
usually
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life.
That is
to say, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose their career by themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in their chosen field, they will become self-confident.
As a result
, they can excel in their career and can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the future.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
chose cricket as his career at an early age, he scored his
first
century, when he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
16 and this increases his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
cricketers in the country.

In conclusion
, parents should not interfere with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are above 15
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
strong and can boost up their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confidence and
they will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to supp v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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