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Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives to apply themselves and work hard in the modern work place. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v.1

Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives to apply themselves and work hard in the modern work place. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v. 1
Nowadays, the greatest motivation of people to focus and work hard is securing a promotion in their post. In my opinion, the main factor in influencing workers to strive is to have a better compensation; also, other reasons are having a decrease in their workload and career growth. To begin with, the main motivating factor of people to be the best in their work and to land a promotion is to have an increase in their wages. Regular employees have lower salary in comparison to the people who has a position in a company, such as supervisors and managers; therefore, they are always aiming to have a better post. In addition, having better monetary incentives will enable them to have a satisfying lifestyle by having the means to afford food and other necessities Another factor to consider is to have a peaceful mental well-being in the long run. Managers and executive positions have less workload because they only monitor the overall work condition and output of the company. In other words, managers and directors' job descriptions are only limited to supervisory works and to ensure that the company is achieving its financial goal and much of the work of these companies were done by the workers. As a result, securing a higher position entitles you to a lesser workload and stressful environment, Lastly, everyone works hard to fulfil a satisfying career in whatever profession they might be. People do not tolerate stagnancy and will always push themselves to be in a better position. Each company proposes an achievable career framework that encourages their staff to work hard and be promoted. That is to say, the chance of promotion is highly achievable for all and everyone can have a successful professional career. In conclusion, I believe that higher monetary compensation is the main reason as to why people perform well and aim to have promoted. Furthermore, everybody wants to grow in their profession and have a peaceful work environment.
Nowadays, the greatest motivation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to focus and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is securing a promotion in their post. In my opinion, the main factor in influencing workers to strive is to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
compensation;
also
, other reasons are having a decrease in their workload and career growth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main motivating factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be the best in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and to land a promotion is to have an increase in their wages. Regular employees have lower salary
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, such as supervisors and managers;
therefore
, they are always aiming to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
post.
In addition
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
monetary incentives will enable them to have a satisfying lifestyle by having the means to afford food and other necessities

Another factor to consider is to have a peaceful mental well-being in the long run. Managers and executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
have less workload
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
monitor the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
condition and output of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In other words
, managers and directors' job descriptions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to supervisory works and to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is achieving its financial goal and much of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were done
by the workers.
As a result
, securing a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
entitles you to a lesser workload and stressful environment,

Lastly
, everyone works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fulfil a satisfying career in whatever profession they might be.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not tolerate stagnancy and will always push themselves to be in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
proposes an achievable career framework that encourages their staff to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
be promoted
.
That is
to say, the chance of promotion is
highly
achievable for all and everyone can have a successful professional career.

In conclusion
, I believe that higher monetary compensation is the main reason as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform well and aim to have promoted.
Furthermore
, everybody wants to grow in their profession and have a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives to apply themselves and work hard in the modern work place. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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