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some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. others think that hard work is not as important as good luck. which point of view do you think is true and why? use specific reasons and examples to support yo v.2

some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. others think that hard work is not as important as good luck. which point of view do you think is true and why? use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 2
Nowadays, with the development of technology in the 21st century, it has become noticeable that the level of violence and aggression in various TV shows, video games and other types of entertainment for children's leisure is also increasing. Oddly enough, this is a concern for most parents, so this essay will look at the impact of these entertainments for teenagers and children, as well as possible ways to solve this problem. To begin with, it is worth noting that video games and other leisure materials really negatively affect the formation of the psyche of a child or teenager. Children after watching violent programs begin to imitate what is shown on TV. This is due to the fact that they get used to seeing aggression in the virtual world and accept it as a normal phenomenon for applying it in everyday life. For example, it has been proven more than once that teenagers who consume violent content become more aggressive in the real world and this negatively affects the life of a person and the life of his environment. However, there are solutions to this problem that must be taken by parents and their children. Firstly, there should be control on the part of parents, that is, they must monitor and filter the content consumed by children or adults. Basically, they need to reduce violent content and increase the number of friendly content. Secondly, the effective solution to the problem will be to involve children in community service, as they will help to educate a person to help others, rather than harm them. For example, it may be helping homeless dogs. To conclude, aggressive games and movies with scenes of violence definitely negatively affect the psyche of any person. Therefore, parents need to monitor their children's activities in order to protect their children from such content.
Nowadays, with the development of technology in the 21st century, it has become noticeable that the level of violence and aggression in various TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, video games and other types of entertainment for children's leisure is
also
increasing.
Oddly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, this is a concern for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this essay will look at the impact of these entertainments for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
as well
as possible ways to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is worth noting that video games and other leisure materials
really
negatively
affect the formation of the psyche of a child or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
after watching violent programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to imitate what
is shown
on TV.
This is due to the fact that
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to seeing aggression in the virtual world and accept it as a normal phenomenon for applying it in everyday life.
For example
, it has
been proven
more than once that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who consume violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
become more aggressive in the real world and this
negatively
affects the life of a person and the life of his environment.

However
, there are solutions to this problem that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, there should be control on the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
that is
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
monitor and filter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
consumed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or adults.
Basically
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and increase the number of friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
Secondly
, the effective solution to the problem will be to involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in community service, as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to educate a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others,
rather
than harm them.
For example
, it may be helping homeless dogs.

To conclude
, aggressive games and movies with scenes of violence definitely
negatively
affect the psyche of any person.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to monitor their children's activities in order to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. others think that hard work is not as important as good luck. which point of view do you think is true and why? use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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