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The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. v.1

The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. v. 1
Nowadays, there is an alarming rise in the number of people suffering from many ailments. Some people argue that government should invest the money in conducting public awareness campaigns rather than spending the huge amount on research and treatment. While I agree that increasing awareness about preventive measures is more economical and efficient, I believe that it should not be done at the cost of research and treatment of diseases. On the one hand, not all diseases can be prevented through public awareness. There are numerous diseases such as cancer, polio, genetic anomalies and road accidents that need urgent medical treatment. Moreover, treatment of many diseases is still not known, and it is of vital importance to develop new medicines and technologies to save human lives. With the help of advanced vaccinations, now India has become a polio-free nation, hence proving the necessity of investment in the medical research and treatment. On the other hand, there are several diseases that can be prevented by imparting sufficient health education and teaching preventive measures. Hitting the cause at its root is the ultimate solution to any problem. Certain communicable diseases like typhoid, cholera, AIDS and dengue can be prevented by instilling the knowledge of sanitation and hygiene and taking some proactive measures. The Government should launch health campaigns motivating citizens to live a healthy life. Recently, the World Health Organization conducted a study that showed the massive campaign on “Harmful effects on Smoking“, which was run globally, actually reduced the incidents of Tuberculosis by thirty percent. To conclude, advanced medical technology, no matter how expensive, is essential for treating certain serious diseases for saving precious human lives and health education and campaigns also play a pivotal role in controlling diseases. Therefore, government should strike the balance of funding both methods in order to make a better and healthy nation.
Nowadays, there is an alarming rise in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ailments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest the money in conducting public awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
rather
than spending the huge amount on research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that increasing awareness about preventive measures is more economical and efficient, I believe that it should not
be done
at the cost of research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of diseases.

On the one hand, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
through public awareness. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancer, polio, genetic anomalies and road accidents that need urgent medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is
still
not known, and it is of vital importance to develop new medicines and technologies to save human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advanced vaccinations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
India has become a polio-free nation,
hence
proving the necessity of investment in the medical research and treatment.

On the other hand
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by imparting sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and teaching preventive measures. Hitting the cause at its root is the ultimate solution to any problem. Certain communicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like typhoid, cholera, AIDS and dengue can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by instilling the knowledge of sanitation and hygiene and taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proactive measures. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should launch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
motivating citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life. Recently, the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization conducted a study that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
on “Harmful effects on Smoking“, which
was run
globally, actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the incidents of Tuberculosis by thirty percent.

To conclude
, advanced medical technology, no matter how expensive, is essential for treating certain serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
for saving precious human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
also
play a pivotal role in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should strike the balance of funding both methods in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better and healthy nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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