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choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you v.1

choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you v. 1
It is a fact that reading a book during leisure time would enhance creativity and linguistic skills rather than watching television. This is an essential habit to have immense benefits, especially among the young generation. In this essay, I shall discuss why I strongly believe that reading is far better than anyone else. One of the prominent reasons why reading is the best thing than watching a program is to enlarge our imagination or creativity, which makes life become better. In other words, if one refers to a magazine he can imagine the actual content in his mind, unlike the television displays the image to the viewers. Since there is no active role of the brain, the capability of a person would be questionable if he prefers to watch programs as referring to a textbook. For instance, a survey conducted between two groups of students, one was to read a storybook and the other was to watch a movie. The first group reported that they were able to recollect many words when attributed to the other group. This clearly shows that reading absolutely helps the person to have a vivid image than observing shows. Apparently, reading a book makes a man wise and knowledgeable, which boosts the language ability and in turns communication be easier. In a similar way, one can learn a new language by acquiring more words belong to a particular language, this can be possible predominantly going through the book. To cite an example, one of my little cousins could easily learn his mother tongue by hearing story tales at night. To sum up, although television provides both audiovisual impacts on the audience, I completely agree that reading a book is worth doing than watching television due to increase our imagination and linguistic skills too.
It is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
during leisure time would enhance creativity and linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. This is an essential habit to have immense benefits,
especially
among the young generation. In this essay, I shall discuss why I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is far better than anyone else.

One of the prominent reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is the best thing than watching a program is to enlarge our imagination or creativity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life become better.
In other words
, if one refers to a magazine he can imagine the actual content in his mind, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
displays the image to the viewers. Since there is no active role of the brain, the capability of a person would be questionable if he prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
programs as referring to a textbook.
For instance
, a survey conducted between two groups of students, one was to read a storybook and the other was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie. The
first
group reported that they were able to recollect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
words when attributed to the other group. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the person to have a vivid image than observing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
wise and knowledgeable, which boosts the language ability and in turns communication be easier.
Consider replacing "In a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a similar way
, one can learn a new language by acquiring more words belong to a particular language, this can be possible
predominantly
going through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. To cite an example, one of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
cousins could
easily
learn his mother tongue by hearing story tales at night.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides both audiovisual impacts on the audience, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is worth doing than watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
due to increase our imagination and linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay choose an accomplishment that required you to work very hard explain what the accomplishment was and why it was important to you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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