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TPO 37 - Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal described in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO 37 - Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal described in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
In the contemporary times, entertainment areas has admittedly gained huge popularity. In this competitive world, numerous people think that entertainers, whether movie star or eminent sports person, has paid more than other professions. However, I completely disagreed with the assertion that entertainers are paid more irrespective of their work. There are several significant factors which enhanced their income. This essay will hash out my viewpoints of disagreement along with other jobs which should be paid more. In this fast-paced life, entertainment has considered as one of the enjoyable and recreational activity which people prefer during their leisure time. Movie and sports are most top rated events enjoyed by the majority of citizens. It takes lots of hard work by the movie star to act in any movie or show. Additionally, they represent their nation worldwide, which provides glory and prestige to the nation as well as help to increase national economic income. To cite a suitable example, sports person undergoes through several training and competitions to get selected in national and international games such as Asian Games, Olympic Games. Apart from the entertainment industry, the government should take into consideration the income of the armed forces members as they selflessly serve the country and guarantee safety of the commoners. Besides this, medical science employees should be paid off equally, because physicians and surgeons devote their huge amount of time to provide treatments to the patients. To conclude, having elaborated above view points, enormous people see the entertainers lifestyle as lavish and luxurious. However, in my perspective, professionals like entertainers, doctors, militants, deserve good income because their hard work should pay off.
In the contemporary times, entertainment areas has
admittedly
gained huge popularity. In this competitive world, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
star or eminent sports person, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more than other professions.
However
, I completely disagreed with the assertion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more irrespective of their work. There are several significant factors which enhanced their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. This essay will hash out my viewpoints of disagreement along with other jobs which should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more.

In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life, entertainment has considered as one of the enjoyable and recreational activity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer during their leisure time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movie
and sports are most top rated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
enjoyed by the majority of citizens. It takes lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
star to act in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.
Additionally
, they represent their nation worldwide, which provides glory and prestige to the nation
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase national economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. To cite a suitable example, sports person undergoes through
Possible agreement error. The noun training seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some training".
several training
and competitions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected in national and international games such as Asian Games, Olympic Games.

Apart from the entertainment industry, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take into consideration the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of the armed forces members as they
selflessly
serve the country and guarantee safety of the commoners.
Besides
this, medical science employees should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
off
equally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
physicians and surgeons devote their huge amount of time to provide treatments to the patients.

To conclude
, having elaborated above view points, enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
lifestyle as lavish and luxurious.
However
, in my perspective, professionals like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
, doctors, militants, deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work should pay off.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay TPO 37 - Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal described in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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