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tpo 29-2Some people like to study in public places where there are other people around. Others prefer to study in places where there are few or no people around. Which kind of place do you prefer? Explain why. v.1

tpo 29-2Some people like to study in public places where there are other people around. Others prefer to study in places where there are few or no people around. Which kind of place do you prefer? Explain why. v. 1
Since there is a wealth of information available on the Internet, students can study by themselves at home just as effectively as they do at school; and therefore some people believe that schools are not needed anymore. In my view, much as I agree that students can study well at home with the help of the Internet, I feel that schools play a vital role in our society and cannot be replaced no matter what. There are ways for children to learn from the Internet, most of which are either free or affordable for almost everyone. One great way is from online newspapers and video websites such as National Geographic and YouTube, which offers a variety of topic areas suitable for people of different ages. Children can learn a great deal of knowledge about culture, science, and many other areas which they are taught at schools. Also, they can participate in online courses favoured by a growing number of youths nowadays. This type learning is even more advantageous in the sense that children can flexibly choose to study whatever subjects they are interested in. That being said, my conviction is that formal education is irreplaceable in any society. It is true that students can acquire knowledge at home very easily with the help of the Internet; however, lack of teachers’ guidance and peer support is a clear disadvantage to this form of learning. These factors are extremely important to a child’s intellectual development, which emphasizes the necessity of school environments. Furthermore, knowledge and skills are not the only things to expect from formal education, but social relationships and mental development. Children who go to school and establish friendships can both have fun and improve their learning outcomes. In conclusion, the Internet is a good way for young children to study at home, but I think that claiming schools are irrelevant to children’s learning because of this is merely absurd.
Since there is a wealth of information available on the Internet, students can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by themselves at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
effectively
as they do at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
; and
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not needed anymore. In my view, much as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that students can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
well at home with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the Internet, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a vital role in our society and cannot
be replaced
no matter what.

There are ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn from the Internet, most of which are either free or affordable for almost everyone. One great way is from online newspapers and video websites such as National Geographic and YouTube, which offers a variety of topic areas suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn a great deal of knowledge about culture, science, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other areas which they
are taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Also
, they can participate in online courses
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by a growing number of youths nowadays. This type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is even more advantageous in the sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
flexibly
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whatever subjects they
are interested
in.

That
being said
, my conviction is that formal education is irreplaceable in any society. It is true that students can acquire knowledge at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the Internet;
however
, lack of teachers’ guidance and peer support is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
disadvantage to this form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. These factors are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to a child’s intellectual development, which emphasizes the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environments.
Furthermore
, knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from formal education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
social relationships and mental development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and establish friendships can both have fun and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
outcomes.

In conclusion
, the Internet is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that claiming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are irrelevant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
because of this
is
merely
absurd.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay tpo 29-2Some people like to study in public places where there are other people around. Others prefer to study in places where there are few or no people around. Which kind of place do you prefer? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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