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TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v.2

TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v. 2
Education is one of the momentous issues each community struggles to improve its techniques and procedures as much as a government can. However, modern technology and its complexity certainty affect this subject matter. Although the Internet has, in turn, its drawbacks, we cannot forget its merits on education. While some people are inclined toward the opinion that thereby spending so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site, educating today' s children is more difficult task than it was in the past, I personally take an opposite stance and subscribe that thanks to the modern technology teaching process and gaining information needed to be educated is easier. In what follows, I will further elaborate on my perspective. The first and possibly the most important reason why I believe that educating today' s children is more convenient is that social network provides children with the opportunity in which students can have an easy access to a pool of information, a great amount of up-to-date data from all over the World. As a result, today' s students can get the information they need to be knowledgeable. For example, in the past, students have to use printed materials, most of which were outdated. On the other hand, having access to these printed materials were also hard. Another significant point which deserves some words here in corroborating my notion is that today’s technology also plays an important role in students' education. For example, playing an online game or using social network can bear a portion of the education process in society. If an online game be targeted to an age group, the game can inconspicuously teach children some skills. Also, via cell phones, besides using helpful applications, students can be in touch with one another to discuss the problems they might have with the teaching class. In a nutshell, modern technology makes students more independent from their teachers and teachers have less responsibility for children’s education. To sum it all up, by taking all the aforementioned grounds into consideration, we may logically draw the conclusion that not only does modern technology make children' s education with ease, but it also provides a circumstance students can be more independent from their teachers as getting information from the Internet and learning valuable knowledge and skills from the child-targeted games or social network.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is one of the momentous issues each community struggles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its techniques and procedures as much as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and its complexity certainty affect this
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
. Although the Internet has, in turn, its drawbacks, we cannot forget its merits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that thereby spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time on cell phones, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
Did you mean "Website"?
Web site
, educating
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more difficult task than it was in the past, I
personally
take an opposite stance and subscribe that thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
teaching process and gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
needed to
be educated
is easier. In what follows, I will
further
elaborate on my perspective.

The
first
and
possibly
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why I believe that educating
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more convenient is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the opportunity in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "easy access".
an easy access
to a pool of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, a great amount of up-to-date data from all over the World.
As a result
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they need to be knowledgeable.
For example
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
printed materials, most of which
were outdated
.
On the other hand
, having access to these printed materials were
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

Another significant point which deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here in corroborating my notion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, playing an online game or using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network can bear a portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
process in society. If an online game
be targeted
to an age group, the game can
inconspicuously
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Also
, via cell phones,
besides
using helpful applications,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be in touch with one another to discuss the problems they might have with the teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their teachers and teachers have less responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education.

To sum it all up, by taking all the aforementioned grounds into consideration, we may
logically
draw the conclusion that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
provides a circumstance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be more
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their teachers as getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the Internet and learning valuable knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from the child-targeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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