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TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v.1

TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v. 1
It is often thought by many that there is an upward trend in the demand of taking a year off between completing the education and starting a new study. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss the positive and negative sides of this issue. First of all, the main advantage is having a break off revising. The reason for this is that the previous years has been spent with educational lectures that there wasn't any spare time to enjoy with family or to go on a holiday. For example, a lot of people are using this period useful by exploring several cultures and religions in other states. So that's why, it is significant to take some time off, to keep your mind refreshed. In contrast, the main disadvantage is that it makes it more difficult to go back to the university. This is because a lot of young adults will have the feeling that they are not able to revise or believe that the course is too hard for them. For example, some teenagers are taking a year off and are ending up by providing an employment, which is too low for their level. So that's why, it is a negative impact on a person's life. To conclude, it is considered by many that there is an increase in having a year off before going to the university. However, some of them believe that it is positive, by having a break. Others believe that is can have a negative effect and will make it harder to begin a new course.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there is an upward trend in the demand of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
between completing the education and starting a new study. In the
next
paragraphs, I will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main advantage is having a break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
revising.
The reason for this is
that the previous years has
been spent
with educational lectures that there wasn't any spare time to enjoy with family or to go on a holiday.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using this period useful by exploring several cultures and religions in other states.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why, it is significant to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your mind refreshed.

In contrast
, the main disadvantage is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more difficult to go back to the university. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young adults will have the feeling that they are not able to revise or believe that the course is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
and are ending up by providing an employment, which is too low for their level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a person's life.

To conclude
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there is an increase in having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to the university.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, by having a break. Others believe
that is
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a new course.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 34: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web site. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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