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Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations Discuss both views and give ur opinions v.1

Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations 1
Being a successful person is important to many individuals. Victory is mostly accounted by money or property. I completely disagree with the statement because I believe there are several other factors to be considered to achieve triumph. It is evident that most people think, having a prosperous life is success. Although it is indefinite, it can be measured by the achievements and influence. Successful people will do superior things, which can be contributed towards the society and that is their biggest accomplishment. For instance, a famous cricketer, Sachin Tendulkar, donated a huge amount of money to renovate an entire village with the amenities the villagers require. He proved that victory is not measured by wealth, but by kindness. Many actors influence the young generation in a positive way that will change their lives as they stand out to be the best motivators. Clearly, success is not restricted to the materialistic things, as it involves various characteristics. The two factors that are conducive to become a victorious individual are discipline and determination. People who are disciplined to follow their routines regularly without any distractions are tend to evolve as a successful citizen. A prominent scientist, Thomas Edison, invented a bulb after failing a thousand times; he did not give up on his idea and proved that anyone can achieve their aims by being determined and focussed. It is important to be concentrated on one's goals in order to achieve those. If people only run behind money instead of fulfilling their ambitions, then they will most likely to end up unsatisfied. In conclusion, success is certainly different from one person to the other. However, wealth is not an appropriate component to measure the success. The dedication and determination will help people to fulfil their goals, which will make them a successful person.
Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. Victory is
mostly
accounted by money or property. I completely disagree with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe there are several other factors to
be considered
to achieve triumph.

It is evident that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, having a prosperous life is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Although it is indefinite, it can
be measured
by the achievements and influence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do superior things, which can
be contributed
towards the society and
that is
their biggest accomplishment.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, donated a huge amount of money to renovate an entire village with the amenities the villagers require. He proved that victory is not measured by wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by kindness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
actors influence the young generation in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as they stand out to be the best motivators.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not restricted to the materialistic things, as it involves various characteristics.

The two factors that are conducive to become a victorious individual are discipline and determination.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
are disciplined
to follow their routines
regularly
without any distractions are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to evolve as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
citizen. A prominent scientist, Thomas Edison, invented a bulb after failing a thousand times; he did not give up on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and proved that anyone can achieve their aims by
being determined
and focussed. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be concentrated
on one's goals in order to achieve those. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
run behind money
instead
of fulfilling their ambitions, then they will most likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up unsatisfied.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from one person to the other.
However
, wealth is not an appropriate component to measure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. The dedication and determination will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fulfil their goals, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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