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TPO 30Agree/Disagree: It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v.1

TPO 30Agree/Disagree: It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 1
Job plays an indispensable role in personal development. However, whether or not it is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days for log hours than a regular job is worth of some debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and think that having a job with regular work schedule is better. My statement will be substantiated by following paragraph. First of all, having a job which has a regular schedule can let us more easily to match other people' s schedule. Presumably, a person who only works three days a week for long hours has rare chance to get along with his family and hang out with friend. On the working day, after most his friends and family member finish their daily work, the person is still working because of his special job schedule. On the other hand, a person who has a regular job can go out with friends or eat dinner with his children and wife. Although he has less day off, he still can has a trip with his family or friends on the weekend. Second, a regular job makes a person live healthier. For example, an elementary school teacher often has a stable daily routine. They wake up at 7: 00 am and go to school and finish their work at 5: 00 pm. After work they may go to the gym to workout and sleep earlier. The appropriate sleep length and exercise habits lead them to have a both mentally and physically healthy body. However, some jobs need worker to work more than 12 hours a day and they always have insufficient sleep quality and length. Although they have more day off, they still feel so tired to go out or play sports because of the arduous working days. Therefore, a regular job is more suitable for people. Third, it is hard to change job when someone get used to the special job schedule. Most job today needs people work 5 days a week, and if person who has a special job before, he has to change his whole life style to get used to the new job. Thus, having a regular career is easier for people to change a job. In conclusion, according to reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that people should works 5 days a week for shorter hours based on the aspect of matching other schedule, healthier life style, and job-changing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
plays an indispensable role in personal development.
However
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
it is more enjoyable to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three days for log
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is worth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
is better. My statement will
be substantiated
by following paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us more
easily
to match other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
. Presumably, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
works three days a week for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has rare chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with his family and hang out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
. On the working day, after most his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family member finish their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
still
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
.
On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can go out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or eat dinner with his children and wife. Although he has less day off, he
still
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
a trip with his family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on the weekend.

Second, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthier.
For example
, an elementary school teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
has a stable daily routine. They wake up at 7: 00 am and go to school and finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at 5: 00 pm. After
The comma is probably missing here: "work, they".
work they
may go to the gym to workout and sleep earlier. The appropriate sleep length and exercise habits lead them to have a both mentally and
physically
healthy body.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
need worker to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they always have insufficient sleep quality and length. Although they have more day off, they
still
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tired to go out or play sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the arduous working days.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Third, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
5 days a week, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who has a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his whole life style to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Thus
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
career is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a job.

In conclusion
, according to reasons mentioned above, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "work"
works
5 days a week for shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
based on the aspect of matching other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
, healthier life style, and job-changing.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay TPO 30Agree/Disagree: It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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