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TPO 30 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v.1

TPO 30 Writing Independent It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 1
It is often argued that boxing is a cruel sport that leads to the health problems in the future. It is also believed that there is no place for boxing in our society. I completely disagree with this point of view and I think that boxing is one of the athletic types, which help to protect ourselves and be healthy. First of all, boxing is a battle where human may learn to defend himself. In other words, boxing is a physical activity and All trainers, for instance, teach their students not no use their power against the people. Boxers are allowed to use their strength only in competitions. In the case of danger for life boxers may protect themselves. Moreover, it is important not to break rules of safety during fighting and you do not get any injuries in the result. Therefore, I think that boxing is not a blood sport at all. Secondly, boxing is a sport, which makes people healthier as any other type of sport. In other words, people, who do box keep fit. For example, Olympic games' champion of 1996, 2000 and 2004 Ermakhan Ibraimov is a trainer of the National boxing team. He teaches his students how to mix boxing and health. If you do exercises every day, you will reduce health issues. Therefore, boxing is a way of being healthy. To conclude, some people think that boxing is a tough sport with non-human rules. However, it is sport to defend yourself and as any kind of sport in case of following safety rules you stay healthy.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that boxing is a cruel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that leads to the health problems in the future. It is
also
believed that there is no place for boxing in our society. I completely disagree with this point of view and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that boxing is one of the athletic types, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect ourselves and be healthy.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, boxing is a battle where human may learn to defend himself.
In other words
, boxing is a physical activity
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


All trainers,
for instance
, teach their students
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their power against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Boxers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their strength
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in competitions. In the case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for life boxers may protect themselves.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not to break
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of safety during fighting and you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any injuries in the result.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that boxing is not a blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
at all.

Secondly
, boxing is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthier as any other type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who do box
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
' champion of 1996, 2000 and 2004
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ermakhan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ibraimov
is a trainer of the National boxing team. He teaches his students how to mix boxing and health. If you do
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "exercise"?
exercises
every day, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
health issues.
Therefore
, boxing is a way of being healthy.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that boxing is a tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with non-human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
However
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to defend yourself and as any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in case of following safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
you stay healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 30 Writing Independent It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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