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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v.122

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 122
Nevertheless, there is significant technological innovations in the field of agriculture, still many people in different parts of the world have no food to eat. This problem is predominant in underdeveloped countries. The reasons for hunger are severe poverty and unemployment issues in the society. However, this problem can be dealt with providing education to them and by giving foreign aid. Nowadays, a farmer can grow the best possible vegetables by using various technologies. However, there are places where the land is not fertile and people cannot cultivate. In other words, these underprivileged people from such land are dependent on others for food. In addition, they are penniless, hence they cannot support their families. Further, children also suffer from hunger and at times they may even succumb to death. For example, every year several children die in Somalia due to hunger. Another reason, if people are unemployed, they cannot afford to buy food. Further, If the sole breadwinner of the family dies due to hunger, then an entire family will suffer. These problems can be resolved by providing foreign aid and by educating the people. Many developed nations do a lot of charity by providing food to help the needy in a distant place. For example, UNESCO provides food to people in places which are affected by drought and famine. Further, this is a short term help to such people. However, for long term solution these people need education. Because, when they are educated, they can sustain the burden of an entire family by doing a job. Moreover, they can even learn to preserve food so that they can fight against hunger. In conclusion, hunger exists in this modern world because of unemployment and poverty. However, it can be resolved temporarily by getting foreign aide or permanently by educating the people.
Nevertheless
, there is significant technological innovations in the field of agriculture,
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to eat. This problem is predominant in underdeveloped countries. The reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
are severe poverty and unemployment issues in the society.
However
, this problem can
be dealt
with providing education to them and by giving foreign aid.

Nowadays, a farmer can grow the best possible vegetables by using various technologies.
However
, there are places where the land is not fertile and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot cultivate.
In other words
, these underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from such land are dependent on others for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
, they are penniless,
hence
they cannot support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Further
, children
also
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and at times they may even succumb to death.
For example
, every year several children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in Somalia due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
. Another reason, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unemployed
, they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Further
, If the sole breadwinner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
, then an entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will suffer.

These problems can
be resolved
by providing foreign aid and by educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developed nations do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
charity by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the needy in a distant place.
For example
, UNESCO provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in places which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by drought and famine.

Further
, this is a short term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, for long term solution these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when they
are educated
, they can sustain the burden of an entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by doing a job.
Moreover
, they can even learn to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fight against hunger.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
exists in this modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unemployment and poverty.
However
, it can
be resolved
temporarily
by getting foreign aide or
permanently
by educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 122

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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