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TPO 30 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v.2

TPO 30 Writing Independent It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 2
In the modern era, people seek for jobs which can perfectly suit them. Most people select their careers based on their abilities, talents, and interests. Other preferences and aspects like working hours are also considered important when one intends to choose a job. In this regard, some people prefer to have a job in which they can work only three days a week for long hours while others prefer a job in which they work five days a week for shorter hours. From my vantage point, the second one would be more rational. In the following paragraphs, the most significant reasons are illustrated. The first aspect to point out is that long hours of work in a single day makes the person extremely exhausted. In the working days, the person works for a long time and there is much pressure on him to finish his tasks. As a result, in working days and after work not only will the person not have enough hours to manage personal tasks including house chores or dealing with children but also he would not act as sharp and active as he normally is. He even may not be able to get enough sleep since most of the day' s hours are spent at work. For instance, once my father found a job as a construction supervisor. He used to work twelve hours a day but fewer days a week. The fact that he had to work fewer days a week gave us the chance to go on trips and spend time together. However, long hours of work during working days made him really tired. Over time, the pressure changed his temper and he became over sensitive and anxious. Soon, he came into conclusion that the job was really bothering for him and the consequences led him to change his job to one with normal working hours. Furthermore, a job with more days off would make the person lose his balance in personal life. Although the person can devote more time to do exercises, playing with his children and spending more time with family, according to statistics, most people actually waste their time if they have much free time. They may spend a lot of time just surfing the Internet, watching TV or sleeping for long hours. Such activities would cause serious psychological and physical damages to the person. The other noteworthy aspect to mention is that these activities would make the person inefficient at work as well since the person would become lazy because of the long period of leisure time and they may spend hours and hours of work just waiting for their work to be finished. Consequently, they may not function well enough or may get frustrated with their jobs. However, in a normal job, such issues are not discussed since most people would not waste their free time to experience negative consequences. Therefore, they function better at work and enjoy working much more than others. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that it would be more enjoyable to have a job with shorter hours a day but more days in a week. Although one can enjoy many days off if they have a job in which they have to work three days a week, the person, in fact, gets more exhausted after work and his efficiency would definitely decline not only in real life but at work. It is recommended that organizations consider fewer working hours for their jobs as much as the job conditions allow so that they enjoy more efficient and healthy workers.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which can
perfectly
suit them. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
select their careers based on their abilities, talents, and interests. Other preferences and aspects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are
also
considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when one intends to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
while others prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
five days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. From my vantage point, the second one would be more rational. In the following paragraphs, the most significant reasons
are illustrated
.

The
first
aspect to point out is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a single day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
extremely
exhausted. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
works for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
pressure on him to finish his tasks.
As a result
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to manage personal tasks including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores or dealing with children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he would not act as sharp and active as he
normally
is. He even may not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep since most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
day&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are spent
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, once my father found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a construction supervisor. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
twelve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fewer days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. The fact that he had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
fewer days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
gave us the chance to go on trips and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days made him
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
really tired
. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
temper and
he became over sensitive and anxious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
, he came into conclusion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was
really
bothering for him and the consequences led him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to one with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more days off would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
lose his balance in personal life. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do exercises, playing with his children and spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family, according to statistics, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They may spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
surfing the Internet, watching TV or sleeping for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Such activities would cause serious psychological and physical damages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. The other noteworthy aspect to mention is that these activities would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
inefficient at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would become lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
period of leisure
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they may spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waiting for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
be finished
.
Consequently
, they may not function well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
or may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, in a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, such issues are not discussed since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not waste their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Therefore
, they function better at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more than others.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that it would be more enjoyable to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more days in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. Although one can enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days off if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, in fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more exhausted after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and his efficiency would definitely decline not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in real life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is recommended
that organizations consider fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they enjoy more efficient and healthy workers.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
89Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 30 Writing Independent It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
598 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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