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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 6: Agree or disagree? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v.2

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 6: Agree or disagree? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 2
Handling everyday tasks and having fun play a decisive role in providing amenity and comfort. This often brings up a controversial question: How the life convenience has changed since our grandparents lived or from many years ago? In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that life is getting easier and easier whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. I firmly agree with the first group since the great technological advances in performance of duties, diversity of entertainments, and transportation facilities bring in convenience in lifestyle. What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint. One important reason that supports my point of view is that technology advances leads to swift operation and higher welfare. Technological changes help people fulfill their duties quickly and easily so that they will have more time to spare on other issues and gain more income. For example, modern publishers print more issues in less time than the old ones did in the past. The more the newspapers are published, the more they are sold and the more the income is gained. Recent changes in lifestyle made by technological progress will result in higher welfare and easier and more comfortable life in comparison to the past. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, huge advances in technology have changed people' s lives dramatically. In this regard, entertainment is an important aspect that has been affected, which in turn brings more convenient lifestyle with less stress for people. Recreational technologies are diverse and still in progress. The wide range of entertainment products, including movies, music, television, computer games, online Internet entertainments, smart toys, learning tools, robots and the like cover different interests and are available to everybody nowadays. They make people feel relaxed. Therefore, people have easier and more comfortable life nowadays. The last but not least reason is that development in transportation facilities has rendered the commutes simpler. That is to say, people commute to work in a few minutes using facilities such as train, bus, and personal cars even if the distance is too far. Many years ago, people used to travel by chariots and coaches which took a long time but the advanced and rapid transportation vehicles has made commuting and traveling far easier. Nowadays, the subway, bus, airplane, and the like lead to a fast and easy transportation. Decisively, if one compares the comfort, amenity, and the amount of diversion in the present and past, one soon realizes that changes in lifestyle is significant. Convenience and speed in accomplishment of duties, diversity in amusements, and fast transportation brings calmness, relaxation and higher welfare to everybody. Nowadays, everyone is looking forward to an easy, comfortable, calm, and relaxing lifestyle in comparison to their past, not to mention when their grandparents lived.
Handling everyday tasks and having fun play a decisive role in providing amenity and comfort. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
up a controversial question: How the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
convenience has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since our grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
or from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago? In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
group since the great technological advances in performance of duties, diversity of entertainments, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
in convenience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint.

One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason that supports my point of view is that technology advances leads to swift operation and higher welfare. Technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fulfill their duties
quickly
and
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will have more time to spare on other issues and gain more income.
For example
, modern publishers print more issues in less time than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones did in the past. The more the newspapers
are published
, the more they
are sold
and the more the income
is gained
. Recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
made by technological progress will result in higher welfare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
and more comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in comparison
to the past.

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, huge advances in technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
dramatically
. In this regard, entertainment is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, which in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Recreational technologies are diverse and
still
in progress. The wide range of entertainment products, including movies, music, television, computer games, online Internet entertainments, smart toys, learning tools, robots and the like cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interests and are available to everybody nowadays. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel relaxed.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
and more comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nowadays.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
reason is that development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities has rendered the commutes simpler.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commute to work in a few minutes using facilities such as train, bus, and personal cars even if the distance is too far.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel by chariots and coaches which took a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advanced and rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
vehicles has made commuting and traveling far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
. Nowadays, the subway, bus, airplane, and the like lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and easy transportation.

Decisively
, if one compares the comfort, amenity, and the amount of diversion in the present and past, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realizes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is significant. Convenience and speed in accomplishment of duties, diversity in amusements, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
calmness, relaxation and higher welfare to everybody. Nowadays, everyone is looking forward to an easy, comfortable, calm, and relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
in comparison
to their past, not to mention when their grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 6: Agree or disagree? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
457 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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