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TPO -3 Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO -3 Independent Writing: It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
There is a dilemma among the people of whether museums should be merely entertaining places, or they have to be locations that can bring opportunities to learn and study. While individuals can be entertained by visiting museums, I do not see eye-to-eye with those who assert that these places should be only for fun. On the one hand, some people claim that there are many enjoyable factors in the museums, which turn them into an entertaining site. They believe that in these places, families can pass their leisure time perfectly, as a great deal of amenities and services are being provided to them. In other words, when entering a museum, families are able to find foods, drinks, and even toys for their children at reasonable prices. Moreover, they can sit and rest in the rooms, playing short films about different civilizations or historical places, and simultaneously have conversations and laugh to each other's jokes. On the other hand, in terms of cultural perspective, the ideal goal of museums is to educate people. This means, the government fund a great deal of money collected from taxpayers to extend and develop these cultural locations, in the means of transferring cultural values among people. By studying different items in a museum, not only can visitors become familiar with history and civilizations of different countries, but they can also have a fascinating leisure time. That is the reason why the busiest tourist attractions of a city are its museums. Travellers are eager to know about the national heritage and cultural values, thus they are attracted to these places. To conclude, considering mentioned compelling reasons, in my point of view, the role of a museum is higher than to be just enjoyable and entertaining. People are able to use other places to have fun and they have to leave the museums for those who really want to learn from its contents.
There is a dilemma among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be
merely
entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, or they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be locations that can bring opportunities to learn and study. While individuals can
be entertained
by visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye-to-eye with those who assert that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for fun.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enjoyable factors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, which turn them into an entertaining site. They believe that in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, families can pass their leisure time
perfectly
, as a great deal of amenities and services are
being provided
to them.
In other words
, when entering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, families are able to find foods, drinks, and even toys for their children at reasonable prices.
Moreover
, they can sit and rest in the rooms, playing short films about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
civilizations or historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, and
simultaneously
have conversations and laugh to each other's jokes.

On the other hand
, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
perspective, the ideal goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This means, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
fund a great deal of money collected from taxpayers to extend and develop these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
locations, in the means of transferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
values among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
items in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can visitors become familiar with history and civilizations of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
have a fascinating leisure time.
That is
the reason why the busiest tourist attractions of a city are its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Travellers
are eager to know about the national heritage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
values,
thus
they
are attracted
to these places.

To conclude
, considering mentioned compelling reasons, in my point of view, the role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is higher than to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoyable and entertaining.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fun and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
for those who
really
want to learn from its contents.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay TPO -3 Independent Writing: It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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