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Some people think schools should only teach students academic subjects. Others think schools should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think schools should only teach students academic subjects. Others think schools should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. v. 1
Subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are found to be difficult to study by children. It is thought by some that these subjects must be made optional instead of mandatory. I agree that such subjects must be made optional as it helps both children and teachers. Firstly, children can avoid subjects such as mathematics and philosophy which are complex and laborious to study. Children, who is forced to study these subjects, find difficulty in comprehending the nuances of the subject. They may end up spending too much time understanding and decrease their overall efficiency to study other subjects. This results in bad grades and can lead to loss of self-confidence and build anxiety. Additionally, children will have the freedom to study their favourite subjects. In other words, children can concentrate on subjects they enjoy and do not study other optional subjects. This gives children an early start to pursue the subject of their choice, therefore laying a road map for higher studies and their future. Besides, children enjoy the subjects they understand. This will encourage them to study. Difficult subjects need special attention from teachers. This might burden already overworked teachers. For example, a mathematics teacher might have to take extra tuition for children weak in mathematics, leading to exhaustion. This can cause overall degradation in teaching performance and can cost children their quality education. Moreover, schools might need to hire more teachers to overcome teacher exhaustion, burdening the school funds. In conclusion, schools should get rid of compulsory subjects and make them optional, therefore benefiting children and teachers. By making them optional, we are encouraging children to study and reducing the burden on the schools and teachers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy
are found
to be difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
optional
instead
of mandatory. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
optional as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and teachers.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy which are complex and laborious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, who
is forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, find difficulty in comprehending the nuances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending too much time understanding and decrease their
overall
efficiency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
grades and can lead to loss of self-confidence and build anxiety.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they enjoy and do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
other optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to pursue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of their choice,
therefore
laying a road map for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and their future.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they understand. This will encourage them to study.

Difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need special attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. This might burden already overworked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take extra tuition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
weak in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
, leading to exhaustion. This can cause
overall
degradation in teaching performance and can cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
their quality education.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
might need to hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
exhaustion, burdening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
funds.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them optional,
therefore
benefiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. By making them optional, we are encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and reducing the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think schools should only teach students academic subjects. Others think schools should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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