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TPO 3 _ Independent TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 3 _ Independent Task It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
To be a healthy is a major concern for people these days, as the world is transforming into more digitalised planet with major technological breakthroughs, the main problem people are facing today is declining well being, besides all the luxuries of life. Some advocates say this all arises because of lack of exercise, laziness and the wish to be alone. There are pros and cons for everything so in this essay we will discuss in detail. Firstly, if we consider the people in ancient times when there is no technology, they spend their life very simply eating organic vegetables, fruits and all the food. As, there is no doubt about the quality of what we eat. Secondly, they have much more time to spend with loved ones which makes them healthy, strong and free from any worries. For example, if we recall our memory we can easily remember our grandparents because of their extended age as In past, they easily went through different stages of life without having any severe illness. So, we can say in old times, people enjoy the more luxurious though they have no facilities as we have now but a healthy lifestyle. Conversely, if we consider the present day's most concerning issues which people are facing is depression as more and more people wants to spend time alone. Dependance on technology is increasing day by day, which leads to anxiety because of the extended screen time; people are getting lazier than before they have no exercise and the growing need for junk food making people obese and causes major health problems. Furthermore, today's the growing need of psychologists, therapists shows how the people are going through mental trauma, suicide rates are getting high which leads to more deaths. To conclude, we can say that people should have to pay more concern about their health, they should go gym daily, avoid junk food which makes them fat and cause serious heart problems. Spend more time with family, friends and loved ones in order to make them feel good and to avoid serious health problems. They should change their lazy lifestyles into a more active and healthy one.
To be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is a major concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days, as the world is transforming into more
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
planet with major technological breakthroughs, the main problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is declining
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
,
besides
all the luxuries of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advocates say this all arises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of exercise, laziness and the wish to be alone. There are pros and cons for everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this essay we will discuss in detail.

Firstly
, if we consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
when there is no technology, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simply
eating organic vegetables, fruits and all the food.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, there is no doubt about the quality of what we eat.
Secondly
, they have much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, strong and free from any worries.
For example
, if we recall our memory we can
easily
remember our grandparents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their extended age as
Did you mean: "In the past"?
In past
, they
easily
went through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of life without having any severe illness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy the more luxurious though they have no facilities as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

Conversely
, if we consider the present day's most concerning issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing is depression as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dependance
on technology is increasing day by day, which leads to anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extended screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting lazier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they have no exercise and the growing need for junk food making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obese and causes major health problems.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's the growing need of psychologists, therapists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going through mental trauma, suicide rates are getting high which leads to more deaths.

To conclude
, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more concern about their health, they should go gym daily, avoid junk food which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and cause serious heart problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family, friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and to avoid serious health problems. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lazy lifestyles into a more active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay TPO 3 _ Independent Task It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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