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Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Some people believe that, the high schools must invest more time teaching soft skills and must reduce their time towards history, to enable the students to find a job in their future. I completely agree with this idea, because of the increase in demand for soft skills in the world and the positive effects they have on young minds. To begin with, it is the duty of the educational institutions to prepare the students for their future roles. In recent days, communication skills have become crucial to land a job. For example, an individual, who has good knowledge will not be recruited, if he is unable to communicate himself. Also, at their workplace, to get a job done successfully, communicating with the other colleagues is of highest significance. Hence, the secondary schools should focus on teaching these to their children. Additionally, learning the basic business principles will help the learners in the present and the future. For example, learning how to calculate the investments and returns will help the learners to handle their own finances in their future. Also, this helps them not to perceive business and finance skills as a difficult subject to pursue in their future. So, if taught at a young age, these skills can stay with them throughout their life. However, few people opine that, children should learn more about their history. It is true to some extent as children need this knowledge to understand the society they live in. For instance, they will not know about their traditional foods and festivals if they are not taught about them. In conclusion, although few people believe that educational institutions have to focus more on the traditional skills such as history, and pay less attention towards soft skills, it is irrefutable that the communication and business skills are the most important for their future jobs. Hence, the educational institutions must invest more time on soft skills, to ensure a better future for their learners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, the high schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest more time teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their time towards history, to enable the students to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase in demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the world and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects they have on young minds.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is the duty of the educational institutions to prepare the students for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
roles. In recent days, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have become crucial to land a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, an individual, who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge will not
be recruited
, if he is unable to communicate himself.
Also
, at their workplace, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
done
successfully
, communicating with the other colleagues is of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
significance.
Hence
, the secondary schools should focus on teaching these to their children.

Additionally
, learning the basic business principles will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the learners in the present and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, learning how to calculate the investments and returns will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the learners to handle their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finances in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Also
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not to perceive business and finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as a difficult subject to pursue in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if taught at a young age, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can stay with them throughout their life.

However
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that, children should learn more about their history. It is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent as children need this knowledge to understand the society they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, they will not know about their traditional foods and festivals if they are not taught about them.

In conclusion
, although few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that educational institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus more on the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as history, and pay less attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, it is irrefutable that the communication and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Hence
, the educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, to ensure a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for their learners
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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