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TPO 27 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v.1

TPO 27 - Question 2 Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1
Weddings, undoubtedly, are becoming more lavish day by day. Some believe this marriage extravaganza causes financial burden and unnecessary stress on the future couples and I completely agree with this statement. Firstly, in order to afford grand weddings, new couples and their families normally undertake big loans or use their long-term savings. This is because by doing so, they feel integrated in their society and hence, they will not carry the stigma of being poor or stingy. For instance, when my cousin got married, her parents used all the money that they have been saving for years into her big day. Had they done a small marriage, depending on their affordability, that money could have been used in a more useful and productive way. Secondly, large parties come with plenty of stressful moments. In an aim to have everything perfectly set up in a short span of time, future brides and grooms do not enjoy these days as much as they should have been. To exemplify, my best friend who is also a big fan of an Indian actress, tried to imitate her big fat wedding, and end up spending much of her time looking for perfect caterers along with event planners so that nothing goes amiss. Had she spent that time with her would-be-husband, they would have had the chance to know one another which could have helped them in the future life. In conclusion, despite big weddings make people feel socially prestigious, it does not outweigh the negative impacts that it causes on future husbands and wives. Instead, this money and time could have been spent into more fruitful and rewarding way specially for the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Weddings
,
undoubtedly
, are becoming more lavish day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe this marriage extravaganza causes financial burden and unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
couples and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, in order to afford grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
, new couples and their families
normally
undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
loans or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their long-term savings. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they feel integrated in their society and
hence
, they will not carry the stigma of being poor or stingy.
For instance
, when my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married, her parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
all the money that they have been saving for years into her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
day. Had they done a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
marriage, depending on their affordability, that money could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a more useful and productive way.

Secondly
, large parties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of stressful moments. In an aim to have everything
perfectly
set up in a short span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
brides and grooms do not enjoy these days as much as they should have been. To exemplify, my best friend who is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
fan of an Indian actress, tried to imitate her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending much of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking for perfect caterers along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
planners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that nothing goes amiss. Had she spent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with her would-be-husband, they would have had the chance to know one another which could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel
socially
prestigious, it does not outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that it causes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
husbands and wives.
Instead
, this money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could have
been spent
into more fruitful and rewarding way
specially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay TPO 27 - Question 2 Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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