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TPO 27 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v.1

TPO 27 - Question 2 Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1
A number of countries have experienced quick economic progress recently and that in return has improved the living standards of citizens. According to some, this development has improved the city life, but did almost nothing for the rural area. So the gap, in terms of economic growth, between the urban and rural areas actually hampered the overall improvement of a country. Many issues have emerged because of this discrimination that we will discuss shortly. On the other hand, different strategies and solutions can be implemented to overcome the problems which have caused by the inequality of development between cities and villages. Many cities of the world have enjoyed an ever increasing economic and trade facilities. Besides, there are plenty of activities to create new infrastructure such as roads, hospitals, schools, and parks in city areas which improve the lifestyle of city dwellers. Similarly, more businesses and more job opportunities are being created in the cities. But, studies show that progress in country sides is very slow and many such rural areas do not even have basic infrastructure and job facilities. This results in the migration of people from rural areas to cities for better living. As a result, cities are also facing issues like overpopulation and pollution. Overpopulation in a city adds pressure on existing facilities like transport, education, health, and recreational places. For the same reason, there is an increase in the air, water, and noise pollution of cities that receive an influx of migrants from rural areas. The overall development of a country depends on a balanced development, both in cities and rural areas and that is why developments in rural areas are also required. In order to tackle issues mentioned above, both the government and private sectors need to work together. First, they need to start constructing a strong network of road and transportation that will connect rural areas to urban areas. Thus, goods and other materials can be transported efficiently and the economy and trade would flourish more. Second, the government should give subsidy to business people to establish factories and industries in the rural areas. This will create more job opportunities at the footstep of villagers, and thus improve their living standards. Thirdly, banks should give easy loans to farmers to invest in the crops and get better yield at the time of harvest. Above all, more facilities such as colleges, hospitals and playgrounds should be created in rural areas so people living there do not need to migrate to a city for a better living. To conclude, it is evident that world’s cities have gone through a rapid progression in terms of trade and development, but that was not shared in the same ratio with country sides. This contributed to many major metropolitan problems. But, these problems can be reduced to a greater extent, when both the government and private sectors make effort to divide funds and facilities between cities and villages.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have experienced quick economic progress recently and that in return has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of citizens. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the city life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did almost nothing for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the gap, in terms of economic growth, between the urban and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
actually hampered the
overall
improvement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
issues have emerged
because of this
discrimination that we will discuss shortly.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies and solutions can
be implemented
to overcome the problems which have caused by the inequality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and villages.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the world have enjoyed an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
economic and trade facilities.
Besides
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of activities to create new infrastructure such as roads, hospitals, schools, and parks in city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the lifestyle of city dwellers.
Similarly
, more businesses and more job opportunities are
being created
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
sides is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slow and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
do not even have basic infrastructure and job facilities. This results in the migration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
also
facing issues like overpopulation and pollution. Overpopulation in a city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
pressure on existing facilities like transport, education, health, and recreational places. For the same reason, there is an increase in the air, water, and noise pollution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that receive an influx of migrants from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. The
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
depends on a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, both in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
also
required.

In order to tackle issues mentioned above, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private sectors need to work together.
First
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
constructing a strong network of road and transportation that will connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and other materials can
be transported
efficiently
and the economy and trade would flourish more. Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give subsidy to business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to establish factories and industries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This will create more job opportunities at the footstep of villagers, and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards.
Thirdly
, banks should give easy loans to farmers to invest in the crops and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better yield at the time of harvest.
Above all
, more facilities such as colleges, hospitals and playgrounds should
be created
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
there do not need to migrate to a city for a better living.

To conclude
, it is evident that world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have gone through a rapid progression in terms of trade and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that was not shared in the same ratio with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
sides. This contributed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major metropolitan problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these problems can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a greater extent, when both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private sectors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effort to divide funds and facilities between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and villages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay TPO 27 - Question 2 Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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