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Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v.2

Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 2
In numerous countries, many educational institutions are facing attitude behaviour. I think, parenting is the significant role to bring up the children with good mannerism as well as government should conduct the campaign program to provide awareness among the students and public. I will discuss the following reasons and explain in detail. On the one hand, parents are the most responsible to teach the youngsters about mannerism and how to respect their elderly persons. Nowadays, both parents are busy with working and they don't have time to spend a plethora of kids. Moreover, they don't know how to give respect to their parents simultaneously this impact is being affected in their teachers. For instance, a recent survey proves that 1 in 3 teenagers would refuse to comply the rules and regulations in the schools. Additionally, many students didn't obey the tutor's words and finally fed up with an arrogant and violent behaviour in their future. On the other hand, I recommend the possible solutions for this. Firstly, parents should give education to the Scholars about the behavioural assessment and try to promote the gentle and soft character among the same peer group and their teachers. Secondly, government enhances the campaign programmes through the media or advertisements. However, they should encourage the parenting classes in the school before, they entered the secondary level. In my opinion, I would suggest these are the resolutions to overcome with this issue. To recapitulate, parents as well as government should promote the importance of behavioural values and bring awareness to the general public. Although, learners also try to develop the positive attitude in their lives and cultivate the values in their future.
In numerous countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational institutions are facing attitude
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, parenting is the significant role to bring up the children with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mannerism
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should conduct the campaign program to provide awareness among the students and public. I will discuss the following reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the most responsible to teach the youngsters about mannerism and how to respect their elderly persons. Nowadays, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they don't have time to spend a plethora of kids.
Moreover
, they don't know how to give respect to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
simultaneously
this impact is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in their teachers.
For instance
, a recent survey proves that 1 in 3
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would refuse to comply the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in the schools.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students didn't obey the tutor's words and
finally
fed up with an arrogant and violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in their future.

On the other hand
, I recommend the possible solutions for this.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give education to the

Scholars about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
assessment and try to promote the gentle and soft character among the same peer group and their teachers.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
enhances the campaign
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
through the media or advertisements.
However
, they should encourage the parenting classes in the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, they entered the secondary level. In my opinion, I would suggest these are the resolutions to overcome with this issue.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote the importance of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
values and bring awareness to the
Consider using "public".
general public
. Although, learners
also
try to develop the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and cultivate the values in their future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Parent should be in the process of helping their children to choose a university. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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