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TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v.2

TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v. 2
Choosing a job is an important issue for any young adults. Nowadays it is commonly accepted that the children should select their majors and jobs based on their personal interests. Contrary to these belief there are still those who argue that selecting a job similar to the parents can provide many benefit for the children. I inclined to believe that there are some more important factor in finding the best appropriate job for a person such as income and personal abilities. The first aspect to point out is that the new format of jobs provide better income and differ from the olds job drastically. Therefore, the children should not continue their parent’s job as they do them. They have to adapt their jobs with the requirements of the society. Furthermore, some old job are not needed any more since the machines do them. If a person want to imitate from the jobs of his/her parents, surely he/she cannot have appropriate amount of salary as a result cannot be satisfied in his/her life. Another significant fact which should be taken in to consideration that the people would be more successful in the jobs which are related to their interest and personal skills. Todays, all parents try to find the hidden abilities of their children since the children can promote easier in the fields of their interest. If parents become biased about their jobs and force their children to involve their jobs in the future, the children react to this forces and surely cannot be successful in the future. For example, if a child have natural abilities about playing musical instruments, he should be encouraged by his parents to continue this field toward maters level. If any other option rather than the personal interest of children will be considered for choosing job, the children will not be fully satisfied in the future. Based on the above-mentioned points I am convinced that the children should be free to select their future jobs based on their personal abilities and interests and income of the new jobs. We should not be biased about our jobs and should try to help our children to find a well-matched job with their personal characteristics.
Choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue for any young adults. Nowadays it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should select their majors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
. Contrary to
Did you mean "this belief" or "these beliefs"?
these belief
there are
still
those who argue that selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I inclined to believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "factors"?
factor
in finding the best appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a person such as income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
abilities.

The
first
aspect to point out is that the new format of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "provides"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'provide' is not always incorrect.)
provide
better income and differ from the olds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
drastically
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as they do them. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with the requirements of the society.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are not needed
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
since the machines do them. If a person want to imitate from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
surely
he/she cannot have appropriate amount of salary
as a result
cannot
be satisfied
in his/her life.

Another significant fact which should
be taken
in to consideration that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be more successful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
are related
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to find the hidden abilities of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can promote easier in the fields of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
become biased about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to involve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the future, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
react to
Did you mean "these"?
this
forces and
surely
cannot be successful in the future.
For example
, if a child have natural abilities about playing musical instruments, he should
be encouraged
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to continue this field toward maters level. If any other option
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be considered
for choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not be
fully
satisfied in the future.

Based on the above-mentioned points I
am convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be free to select their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
abilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and income of the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. We should not
be biased
about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a well-matched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
characteristics.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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