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TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v.1

TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v. 1
Across the globe, Our education system has evolved. Teenagers go to school to gain knowledge on a variety of subjects. This idea is controversial and people opine differently. Some people say that students should have the freedom to study the subjects of their choice, whereas others say that equal attention to all the subjects is beneficial. In my opinion, teenagers should learn all the subjects and gain knowledge about each and every discipline in their curriculum. On the first hand, high school curriculum is tailored to teach important subjects such as mathematics, science, English, history, and geography. These act as a foundation for future career. They designed to provide knowledge and allow the students to select the subjects that they might wish to take up for higher studies and career. Moreover, teenagers are not capable enough to make the best decision pertaining to one particular subject that they would want to study in the future. On the other hand, if a student wishes to be selective, it might be beneficial as well. This would let him ensure undivided focus on his choice of subjects and help him build a sound foundation during the formative years. This would provide students with more time and resources to spend on comparatively lesser and more interesting subjects, leading to better results. According to me, the option of studying all the subjects enables the students to keep their options open and possibly widen their range of interests. To conclude, I would say that it is best for them to study all the subjects.
Across the globe, Our education system has evolved.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
go to school to gain knowledge on a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is controversial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine
differently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their choice, whereas others say that equal attention to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is beneficial. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should learn all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and gain knowledge about each and every discipline in their curriculum.

On the
first
hand, high school curriculum
is tailored
to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mathematics, science, English, history, and geography. These act as a foundation for future career. They designed to provide knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they might wish to take up for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and career.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision pertaining to one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that they would want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the future.

On the other hand
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wishes to be selective, it might be beneficial
as well
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him ensure undivided focus on his choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him build a sound foundation during the formative years. This would provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with more time and resources to spend on
comparatively
lesser and more interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, leading to better results.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the option of studying all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their options open and
possibly
widen their range of interests.
To conclude
, I would say that it is best for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 26 q2It is better for the children to choose the jobs similar to their parent's job rather that the jobs which are vary drastically with their parent's jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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