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Tpo 24 q2One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v.2

Tpo 24 q2One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v. 2
Parents are responsible or the future of their children and can make them ready for an independent life by giving some tasks. Nowadays it is commonly accepted that part time jabs of the teenagers have many benefit for their future. Contrary to this belief there are still those who argue that parents should prevent their children to work until adult ages. However, I am inclined to believe that people can have better future if they start to work from teen ages. The first aspect to pint out is that attending in a job makes teenagers more independent. In the jobs each person should take a specific task and he is responsible for the results of his work, so it makes teenager more independent in their personal life and also increase their self-confidence. This characters help them in the future to manage a family more comfortable with high level of life quality. Another significant point which should be taken in to consideration is that working in the society promotes the social skills of a person. Communication skill is one of the main factors which help everyone to be successful in his life. People with this abilities can relate with other in a friendly and positive way and generally are more suitable for the management positions in the companies. If the teenager develop this ability from the young ages, they can excel in the future job environments and life. Finally yet importantly, teenager learn to not waste the money. Todays the young adults rely on the financial source of their parents and they cannot feel this fact that making money is hard. They very easily waste the money of their parent in the parties and trips. However, if they participate in a job from the young ages they can interpret the worth of the money as a result try to save it rather than waste it. The amount of money which can be saved by teenager is good-for-nothing but the ability to invest is extremely worth for the future. On the basis of the points which are mentioned above I am convinced that due to the advantages of working, parents should motivate teenagers to work from young age. It make teenagers more independent, develop their social skills and learn them to invest money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are responsible or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their children and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them ready for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks. Nowadays it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jabs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Contrary to this belief there are
still
those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
until adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
However
, I
am inclined
to believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from teen ages.

The
first
aspect to pint out is that attending in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
each person should take a specific
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
task and
he is responsible for the results of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
increase their self-confidence.
Did you mean "these"?
This
characters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to manage a family more comfortable with high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality.

Another significant point which should
be taken
in to consideration is that working in the society promotes the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a person. Communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is one of the main factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone to be successful in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with
Did you mean "these"?
this
abilities can relate with other in a friendly and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way and
generally
are more suitable for the management positions in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
develop this ability from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, they can excel in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environments and life.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
yet
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
learn to not waste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults rely on the financial source of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they cannot feel this fact that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
waste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
in the parties and trips.
However
, if they participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
they can interpret the worth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a result
try to save it
rather
than waste it. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which can
be saved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-for-nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ability to invest is
extremely
worth for the future.

On the basis of the points which
are mentioned
above I
am convinced
that due to the advantages of working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. It
Did you mean "makes"?
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
, develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn them to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 24 q2One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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