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TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v.2

TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 2
Job plays an indispensable role in personal development. However, whether children should choose jobs that are similar to their parents' job rather than choosing a very different one is worth of some debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and think that children should choose the jobs they want and don' t have to follow their parents' steps. My statement will be substantiated by following paragraphs. First of all, choosing a job that we are interested in is important and let us to achieve self-satisfaction in our life. Although following parent' s step sometimes makes it easier to short term goal, choosing a job we love can achieve long term satisfaction and happiness. For example, most doctors in Taiwan often want their children to become doctors in the future because the doctors have higher income and social status. However, being a doctor is so arduous in Taiwan and is too busy to have a normal life. Children who do not want this kind of life will feel frustrated and never feel satisfied for their life. Therefore, children should follow their interests to choose a career rather than their parents. In addition, modern world is changing fast, children who always follow their parents will have less chance in the future world. Although parents' jobs were be great and full of a lot of opportunities in the past, the future industry may change so much and such careers will not be needed anymore. Thus, children who choose similar job to their parents will face the problem of unemployment. Third, choosing a similar job to parents may limit children' s talents. Presumably, a child who has great talent in music may have the chance to become one of the greatest musicians in the history. However, if child follow his parents and become an engineer, the world will lose a great musician and it will be significant lost to the human society. In conclusion, according to the reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that children should not follow their parents' step based on the aspect of self-satisfaction, fast-changing world, and limiting the potential talents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
plays an indispensable role in personal development.
However
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are similar to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than choosing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
one is worth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they want and
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; steps. My statement will
be substantiated
by following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that we
are interested
in is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us to achieve self-satisfaction in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although following
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to short term goal, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
can achieve long term satisfaction and happiness.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in Taiwan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have higher income and social status.
However
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
arduous in Taiwan and is too busy to have a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not want this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will feel frustrated and never feel satisfied for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their interests to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a career
rather
than their parents.

In addition
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have less chance in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Although
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
were
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
great and full of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities in the past, the future industry may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much and such careers will not
be needed
anymore.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will face the problem of unemployment.

Third, choosing a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may limit
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s talents. Presumably, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has great talent in music may have the chance to become one of the greatest musicians in the history.
However
, if child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and become an engineer, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will lose a great musician and it will be significant lost to the human society.

In conclusion
, according to the reasons mentioned above, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; step based on the aspect of self-satisfaction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and limiting the potential talents.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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