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TPO 25 - Question 4Cultural LagTechnological change occurs very rapidly in modern society-sometimes more rapidly than many people are prepared for. As a result, when new technology emerges, people may struggle for a time to adapt to it. This period of tra v.1

TPO 25 - Question 4Cultural LagTechnological change occurs very rapidly in modern society-sometimes more rapidly than many people are prepared for. As a result, when new technology emerges, people may struggle for a time to adapt to it. This period of tra v. 1
In the modern world, many women are not willing to marry in their younger ages, because the majority of females can run their livelihood. In this reason, making money cab give them a confidence. Accordingly, they should not be worried about the financial security, which is brought by marriage. However, this tendency can bring negative outcomes. There is no denying that the modern job market can offer a various types of works for females. In this regard, they are not concerned about the marriage, because they can accomplish their personal purposes, run their own business and earn money instead of doing house works, such as cleaning, cooking and washing. That is to say, the patriarchal society is disappearing, because of new breakthroughs, such as digital technologies and the internet. Consequently, females can concentrate on other things, instead of marriage, because they can earn money by themselves. A good illustration of this is businesswomen, whose companies can make a profit more than males. On the other hand, many women are willing to be a mother. In this reason, they create a family with males, because it is essential to have an offspring in order to continue their genes. Moreover, it gives happiness, because many females treasure their families as equal as males. Accordingly, they do their best in order to save and protect their family members. To illustrate, many mothers are keen to leave their job in form to raise their children. However, in many cases, this devotion often lives up to their expectation. To conclude, many individuals believe that women no longer feel the need to get married, because of their financial independence. However, it is human nature to create a family in the form to continue their genes. In this reason, many women need a family.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not willing to marry in their younger ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can run their livelihood. In this reason, making money cab give them a confidence.
Accordingly
, they should not
be worried
about the financial security, which
is brought
by marriage.
However
, this tendency can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes.

There is no denying that the modern job market can offer a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "type"?
types
of works for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. In this regard, they are not concerned about the marriage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can accomplish their personal purposes, run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and earn money
instead
of doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
works, such as cleaning, cooking and washing.
That is
to say, the patriarchal society is disappearing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new breakthroughs, such as digital technologies and the internet.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can concentrate on other things,
instead
of marriage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can earn money by themselves. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is businesswomen, whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit more than males.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are willing to be a mother. In this reason, they create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with males,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is essential to have an offspring in order to continue their genes.
Moreover
, it gives happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
treasure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as equal as males.
Accordingly
, they do their best in order to save and protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job in form to raise their children.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, this devotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
up to their expectation.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
no longer feel the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their financial independence.
However
, it is human nature to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the form to continue their genes. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 25 - Question 4Cultural LagTechnological change occurs very rapidly in modern society-sometimes more rapidly than many people are prepared for. As a result, when new technology emerges, people may struggle for a time to adapt to it. This period of tra v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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