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Bicycle Borrowing ProgramIt’s great that the university has a program where students can borrow bicycles from the gym. However, two changes would make the program more convenient. First, the borrowing period should be shortened to four hours maximum so v.1

Bicycle Borrowing ProgramIt’s great that the university has a program where students can borrow bicycles from the gym. However, two changes would make the program more convenient. First, the borrowing period should be shortened to four hours maximum so v. 1
Traditionally, foreign language has been learnt by the pupils at the later stage of the career, whilst a considerable amount of the specialist opine that foreign language should be a part of the primary school curriculum. There are both pros and cons associated with this statement, however the advantages outweighs the disadvantages There are a plethora of positive impacts. To start with, most of the adolescent has the tendency to grasp any skill. In other words, at tenured age, they are keen to learn new skills apart from regular academics. For instance, most of the kids are free from stress and learning an additional language language would be cater their skill in the long run. Secondly, It provides to make room for error. To be more precise, children’s tend to make mistakes and their less egoistic behaviour would help them to foster their skill. However, learning additional languages does come with some consequences, Most of the teachers are not qualified at primary schools and lack accurate knowledge about foreign languages resulting in adequate learning. Furthermore, most of them would be exposed to stress as they would be having another important academics like science and math to concentrate much on. Besides this, children would lack concentration in being an expert in one subject. Despite these detrimental causes, necessary steps should be taken to overcome this issue by consistent support from higher educational authorities. In conclusion, Although there are some potential drawbacks regards to the introduction of foreign language in primary school rather than secondary. There are numerous advantages which outweighs it disadvantages. Young children inbuilt abilities should be appreciated and necessary steps should be taken to foster their growth.
Traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by the pupils at the later stage of the career, whilst a considerable amount of the specialist opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should be a part of the primary school curriculum. There are both pros and cons associated with this statement,
however
the advantages outweighs the disadvantages

There are a plethora of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, most of the adolescent has the tendency to grasp any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
In other words
, at tenured age, they are keen to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
apart from regular academics.
For instance
, most of the kids are free from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and learning an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
would be
Consider using the past participle "catered"?
cater
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in the long run.
Secondly
, It provides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for error. To be more precise, children’s tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes and their less egoistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to foster their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

However
, learning additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences, Most of the teachers are not qualified at primary schools and lack accurate knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
resulting in adequate learning.
Furthermore
, most of them would
be exposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as they would be having another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
academics like science and math to concentrate much on.
Besides
this, children would lack concentration in being an expert in one subject. Despite these detrimental causes, necessary steps should
be taken
to overcome this issue by consistent support from higher educational authorities.

In conclusion
, Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks regards to the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in primary school
rather
than secondary. There are numerous advantages which outweighs it disadvantages. Young children inbuilt abilities should
be appreciated
and necessary steps should
be taken
to foster their growth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Bicycle Borrowing ProgramIt’s great that the university has a program where students can borrow bicycles from the gym. However, two changes would make the program more convenient. First, the borrowing period should be shortened to four hours maximum so v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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