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TPO-25 - Integrated Writing Task In 1938 an archaeologist in Iraq acquired a set of clay jars that had been excavated two years earlier by villagers constructing a railroad line. The vessel was about 2, 200 years old. Each clay jay contained a copper cylin v.1

TPO-25 - Integrated Writing Task In 1938 an archaeologist in Iraq acquired a set of clay jars that had been excavated two years earlier by villagers constructing a railroad line. The vessel was about 2, 200 years old. Each clay jay contained a copper cylin v. 1
It is discussed that sports with high content of risks should be banned, whereas other people believe that this should be a choice made freely from each one individually. This essay will discuss the two points of views and it will conclude with my personal opinion in regard. In these days the numbers of sports that are considered high risks it is increasing rapidly. This is why some people believe that these activities should be banned, because of the danger that they represent. Too many accidents have occurred in the last years, sometimes with the loss of life of the athlete, or the staff or even the crowd that attend to this kind of events. For example, we all remember the death live on the tv screens of Marco Simoncelli one of the Moto Grand Prix pilots. However, these sports can be spectacular to watch and can transmit a high amount of adrenaline, which is why others believe that anyone should have the possibility to choose what to do of their life. Thus, will push people towards new boundaries of the impossible. To give an example, recently we assisted to a launch from an airplane without a parachute executed by Rick Morty. To conclude, in my opinion, even though these sports attract a high number of fans, sponsor and consequently money, they should invest more money in safety. It is not acceptable that people will be seriously injured or worse case scenario loosing their life while practising sports activity. In this way we can make sure that everyone is free to choose what kind of sport to frequent.
It
is discussed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
content of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
should
be banned
, whereas other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this should be a choice made
freely
from each one
individually
. This essay will discuss the two points of views and it will conclude with my personal opinion in regard.

In these days the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
are considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
it is increasing
rapidly
. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these activities should
be banned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
that they represent. Too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents have occurred in the last years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
with the loss of life of the athlete, or the staff or even the crowd that attend to this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, we all remember the death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
screens of Marco
Possible spelling mistake found.
Simoncelli
one of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moto
Grand Prix pilots.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be spectacular to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and can transmit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of adrenaline, which is why others believe that anyone should have the possibility to choose what to do of their life.
Thus
, will push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards new boundaries of the impossible. To give an example, recently we assisted to a launch from an airplane without a parachute executed by Rick
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morty
.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
even though
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
attract a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
number of fans, sponsor and
consequently
money, they should invest more money in safety. It is not acceptable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
seriously
injured or worse case scenario loosing their life while
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity. In this way we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that everyone is free to choose what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to frequent.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-25 - Integrated Writing Task In 1938 an archaeologist in Iraq acquired a set of clay jars that had been excavated two years earlier by villagers constructing a railroad line. The vessel was about 2, 200 years old. Each clay jay contained a copper cylin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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