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Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v.1

Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v. 1
Nowadays, it is undeniable that online purchasing is prevail due to its convenience and simplicity. Although consumers benefit from this, there have been adversely affecting on our environment and increasing unemployment rate. This essay will discuss these key issues. To begin with, there is ample evidence that online trades have created more waste and garbage, worsened air pollution, and rendered more traffic congestion. The reason behind this is twofold, firstly, online retailers have to place more foams and wrapping paper in cardboard boxes to ensure goods deliver to buyers’ address safely, which subsequently create excessive waste and garbage for buyers and government to dispose. Secondly, one of the advantages of online shopping is that cargoes will be delivered to customers’ house, which leads to numerous driving of the truck driver and consumption of a substantial amount of petroleum. Having so many deliveries, the online retailer such as Amazon or Ebay worsen traffic congestion and increase the carbon dioxide emissions. An extensive survey by Washington University showed that delivering companies like UPS and DHL reveal that their gas expenses of 2010-2020 have increased 40% compared to the last decade. Furthermore, although online trades have helped lots of brands expanding their market share, there are still employees losing their jobs since the reality stores are closing and cutting their renting cost of the brands. Such phenomenon and business strategy lead to an increasing unemployment rate for the basic level staff, such as store sales, janitor and cashier. In the short term, there might be some unemployed people who go to steal or rob, endanger the society’s safety and stability. Some staff, however, might realize that learning new knowledge and skills is the key to survive and succeed in the near future, which may encourage them to create more productivity and small business, benefiting the community and economy. An illustration of this is that enormous small businesses have been operated on American Ebay and Chinese Alibaba. In conclusion, online shopping created more packaging waste and garbage for government to deal with more energy and machines, more deliveries worsen air pollution and traffic congestion, and an increasing rate of unemployment.
Nowadays, it is undeniable that
online
purchasing is
prevail
due to its convenience and simplicity. Although consumers benefit from this, there have been
adversely
affecting on our environment and increasing unemployment rate. This essay will discuss these key issues.

To
begin
with, there is ample evidence that
online
trades have created more waste and garbage, worsened air pollution, and rendered more traffic congestion. The reason behind this is twofold,
firstly
,
online
retailers
have to
place more foams and wrapping paper in cardboard boxes to ensure
goods
deliver to buyers’ address
safely
, which
subsequently
create excessive waste and garbage for buyers and
government
to dispose.
Secondly
, one of the advantages of
online
shopping is that cargoes will
be delivered
to customers’
house
, which leads to numerous driving of the truck driver and consumption of a substantial amount of petroleum. Having
so
many
deliveries, the
online
retailer such as Amazon or
Ebay
worsen traffic congestion and increase the carbon dioxide emissions. An extensive survey by Washington University
showed
that delivering
companies
like UPS and DHL reveal that their gas expenses of 2010-2020 have increased 40% compared to the last decade.

Furthermore
, although
online
trades have
helped
lots of brands expanding their market share, there are
still
employees losing their jobs since the reality stores are closing and cutting their renting cost of the brands. Such phenomenon and business strategy lead to an increasing unemployment rate for the basic level staff, such as store sales, janitor and cashier. In the short term, there might be
some
unemployed
people
who go to steal or rob, endanger the society’s safety and stability.
Some
staff
,
however
, might realize that learning new knowledge and
skills
is the key to survive and succeed in the near future, which may encourage them to create more productivity and
small
business, benefiting the community and economy. An illustration of this is that enormous
small
businesses have
been operated
on American
Ebay
and Chinese Alibaba.

In conclusion
,
online
shopping created more packaging waste and garbage for
government
to deal with more energy and machines, more deliveries worsen air pollution and traffic congestion, and an increasing rate of unemployment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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