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TPO 25 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v.2

TPO 25 Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v. 2
Adolescents are only paying attention to how they can fulfill their own need rather than others. I feel this way for several reasons, which I will explore in following essay. To begin with, juveniles are mostly thinking about their own need such as pleasure, communication with other and education in today' s world. Therefore, amount of time which they spend for helping others is declining. My personal experience is compelling example of this. When I was in high school, I was willing to help people who needs financial or mental support. Unfortunately, I hardly had chance in light of absence of financial chance. Additionally, once I started studying in university, I became not able to help people because I should spend much time on lesson, not because I am reluctant. I am of the opinion that there are magnitude of juveniles who is not able to support other in light of lacking in own chance. Secondly, nowadays, students tend to consider pleasurable things such as hanging out with friends, watching movie and playing sports significant. Thereby, attitude towards volunteering has been changed since they reckon it is not important to them, which poses unwillingness to gratify the community' s expectations. For instance, most of my intimate individuals hardly wants to devote their time for others since people tend to become more selfish in today' s society. Finally, adolescents' parents does not motivate their kids to aid folks because they consider education is magnitude for their children. For this reason, children who is not encouraged probably will not assist others. For example, the last year, when I asked my mother for allowance to do volunteer job, she compelled me to study the lesson and prepare for an exam. For this reason, coincident of lack of time and support of parents stopped me to help others. In my opinion, body of adolescents is paying attention to the community insufficiently. This is because they or their parents do not want, they do not have enough amount of time because of lesson or other enjoyable things.
Adolescents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
paying attention to how they can fulfill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
need
rather
than others. I feel this way for several reasons, which I will explore in following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, juveniles are
mostly
thinking about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
need such as pleasure, communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and education in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world.
Therefore
, amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which they spend for helping others is declining. My personal experience is compelling example of this. When I was in high school, I was willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "need"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
needs
financial or mental support. Unfortunately, I hardly had chance in light of absence of financial chance.

Additionally
, once I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
studying in university, I became not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I should spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on lesson, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am reluctant. I am of the opinion that there are magnitude of juveniles who is not able to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in light of lacking in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
chance.

Secondly
, nowadays, students tend to consider pleasurable things such as hanging out with friends, watching movie and playing sports significant. Thereby, attitude towards volunteering has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since they reckon it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to them, which poses unwillingness to gratify the
Possible spelling mistake found.
community&
#039; s expectations.
For instance
, most of my intimate individuals hardly wants to devote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for others since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to become more selfish in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s society.

Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolescents&
#039; parents does not motivate their kids to aid folks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider education is magnitude for their children.
For this reason
, children who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
is
not encouraged
probably
will not assist others.
For example
, the last year, when I asked my mother for allowance to do volunteer job, she compelled me to study the lesson and prepare for an exam.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
this reason, coincident of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and support of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.

In my opinion, body of adolescents is paying attention to the community
insufficiently
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they or their parents do not want, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lesson or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
enjoyable things.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 25 Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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