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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are spending too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they do to do-doing than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.647

People are spending too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they do to do-doing than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 647
There is no doubt; our generation lives in a vast technological improvement which plays a pivotal role in our lives. Some people think with that technology; they can enjoy- doing things they like to do rather than do their responsibilities. In contrary, others disagree. As far asI am concerned, I agree with the second position. I think this technology makes our lives more complicated in many ways. Unfortunately, people, these days work longer hours, and they do not have free time for themselves. Also, if they have few free time they used if for doing other things than enjoyment. And, our lives is very expensive. Clearly, nothing is for free in our generation. Following is a brief interpretation to my perspective. First of all, any job these days needs from it employee to work at least forty hours a week. Which means every worker leaves his/her house before 6 A. M. and back home after 7 P. M. Do you think people have that free time to enjoy themselves. A good example for that is my family. My husband and I work twelve hours a day and waste three hours among the traffic. Our daily life is only our jobs. We do not have free time for enjoyment what we like to do, most ordinary people utilize that time for doing their daily life responsibility. For example, when I have a weekday off, I spend that day in doing necessary things for my family and my home. Such as: cleaning, shopping from the groceary store or go for doctor visit, and sometimes participate at school parent activities for my children. Last but not the least, the technoloy creates a lot of places and matertials to have fun. Starting from the advanced amuzement parks ending with video games in the X-box or our gadgets devices. However, we have to pay for every thing. We have to pay for our parking lot, for our admition and for every game we use. I do not think those enjoyment things would be affordable for every person in our generation. Most of us, prefer to spend that free time for relaxing rather than having fun. Our daily hours working is enough for paying our monthy bills, morgage and our food. Any extra money we have need to be saved for an emergency. Based on the factors I discussed above, I think we do not have time or money to waste it for having fun and most of our young adults are busy and hard workers. Therefore, I disagree with this satement.
There is no doubt; our generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a vast technological improvement which plays a pivotal role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
with that technology; they can enjoy-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they like to do
rather
than do their responsibilities. In contrary, others disagree. As far
Possible spelling mistake found.
asI
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second position. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more complicated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, these days work longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, and they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.
Also
, if they have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
if for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
other things than enjoyment. And, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
Clearly
, nothing is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
in our generation. Following is a brief interpretation to my perspective.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, any job these days needs from it employee to work at least forty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week. Which means every worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
6 A. M. and back home after 7 P. M. Do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy themselves. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for
that is
my family. My husband and I work twelve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day and waste three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
among the traffic. Our daily life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our jobs. We do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for enjoyment what we like to do, most ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
their daily life responsibility.
For example
, when I have a weekday off, I spend that day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
necessary things for my family and my home. Such as: cleaning, shopping from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
groceary
store or go for doctor visit, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
participate at school parent activities for my children.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
technoloy
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
places and
Possible spelling mistake found.
matertials
to have fun. Starting from the advanced
Possible spelling mistake found.
amuzement
parks ending with video games in the X-box or our gadgets devices.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for every thing. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for our parking lot, for our
Possible spelling mistake found.
admition
and for every game we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
those enjoyment things would be affordable for every person in our generation. Most of us, prefer to spend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxing
rather
than having fun. Our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
working is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for paying our
Possible spelling mistake found.
monthy
bills,
Possible spelling mistake found.
morgage
and our food. Any extra money we have need to
be saved
for an emergency.

Based on the factors I discussed above, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or money to waste it for having fun and most of our young adults are busy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers.
Therefore
, I disagree with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
satement
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay People are spending too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they do to do-doing than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 647

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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