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TPO 25 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v.1

TPO 25 Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v. 1
Sporting activities have gained increasing popularity in all nations across the globe. While it is believed that they should only be considered as a hobby, I advocate that contributions sports bring to the society are of great importance. Sports are supposed to be activities for free time since they are great relaxation tools. The reason is that if people are stressed out over deadlines or study, sports offer them more chances to gather their families or friends and share difficulties they have to face with a view to asking for some constructive advice, which helps them to distress. On the other hand, advantages sports contributed to our society need to be taken into consideration for some compelling reasons. The first explanation is that they may maintain public physical fitness. Recently, people have a tendency to favour the sedentary lifestyle which can be considered as a culprit behind dangerous diseases including obesity and cardiovascular disease. This phenomenon can be tackled only when people's awareness of sports improving citizens' health is heightened. Other than that, sports help to promote mental well-being and accelerate the development of technical competence. This is because those who are provided with more fitness opportunities have more chances to not only meet like-minded people but also work in teams when they join in team sports such as football, which means that they can expand their social circle and enhance interpersonal skills. Ultimately, the government may receive a great influx of money from awards of their countries' athletes. They can allocate these incentives to both solve urgent issues consisting of starvation, illiteracy and unemployment, which citizens, particularly those who live in disaster-prone areas or Third World countries, have to fight against and boost their nations' future progress and development. All in all, although it is thought that sports only play a role as a leisure activity, I suppose that their values in our society are far more significant.
Sporting activities have gained increasing popularity in all nations across the globe. While it
is believed
that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be considered
as a hobby, I advocate that contributions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring to the society are of great importance.

Sports
are supposed
to be activities for free time since they are great relaxation tools. The reason is that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out over deadlines or study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer them more chances to gather their families or friends and share difficulties they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with a view to asking for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
constructive advice, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to distress.

On the other hand
, advantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
contributed to our society need to
be taken
into consideration for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons. The
first
explanation is that they may maintain public physical fitness. Recently,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the sedentary lifestyle which can
be considered
as a culprit behind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases including obesity and cardiovascular disease. This phenomenon can
be tackled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
improving citizens' health
is heightened
. Other than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote mental well-being and accelerate the development of technical competence. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who
are provided
with more fitness opportunities have more chances to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
like-minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
work in teams when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football, which means that they can expand their social circle and enhance interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Ultimately
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may receive a great influx of money from awards of their countries' athletes. They can allocate these incentives to both solve urgent issues consisting of starvation, illiteracy and unemployment, which citizens,
particularly
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in disaster-prone areas or Third World countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight against and boost their nations' future progress and development.

All in all, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
play a role as a leisure activity, I suppose that their values in our society are far more significant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 25 Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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