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Do you agree or Disagree with the following Statement? Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v.519

Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 519
Involving in communities' services helps us to live in great and beautiful environment. People from different ages participate in such services. Young people also engage in serving community. Still nowadays, young people do not take part in helping community as in the past for the following reasons. To begin with, education today is more difficult than in the past. Students today study many, difficult, and detailed sciences like physics, chemistry, and biology. In addition many classes are required now like art and music classes. Students have to do lots of assignments, research papers, projects, and others. All of these things take most of their time. Moreover, schools today longer than in the past. Children spend at least seven hours at a school and go home at three or four PM. while in the past they spend only four or five hours a day. Therefore, young people today do not have enough time to participate in communities' services. In contrast, the study of young people in the past was easier, so they have more free time to engage in such services. Secondly, parents are very busy to help their young kids. In the present time and in most of the families, both of the parents have jobs and sometimes even more than one job for each one to fulfill the basic needs of life. Accordingly, they do not assist their youngsters in their education, and even they are not available at home most of the time. As a result, youngsters have to help themselves in their education and do some of the duties at home to compensate the absence of parents. Thus, they do not have adequate energy and effort to take part in services of community. Finally, entertaining means may attract youngsters' attention more that community services. These days, young people have lots of electronic devices that take the majority of youngsters' free time. Whenever they have leisure time, they prefer to spend it with their iPads, cell phones, and laptops for surfing Internet, looking at facebook, and playing video games. These things unfortunately are more important for youngsters than helping their community with beneficial services. To sum up, it is true that young people participate in community less than their peers in the past because nature of the life is different than in the past. The education is difficult; parents are not available to help youngsters, and lots of musing means take younger people' s time from engaging in community services.
Involving in
Possible spelling mistake found.
communities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in great and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
engage in serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
is more difficult than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, difficult, and detailed sciences like physics, chemistry, and biology. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
classes
are required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
like art and music classes. Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do lots of assignments, research papers, projects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. All of these things take most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
longer than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Children spend at least seven hours at a school and go home at three or four PM. while in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
they spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
four or five hours a day.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
communities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
In contrast
, the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
was easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to engage in such services.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids. In the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and in most of the families, both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even more than one job for each one to fulfill the basic needs of life.
Accordingly
, they do not assist their youngsters in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and even they are not available at home most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and do
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
duties at home to compensate the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
, they do not have adequate energy and effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
of community.

Finally
, entertaining means may attract
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngsters&
#039; attention more that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lots of electronic devices that take the majority of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngsters&
#039; free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Whenever they have leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they prefer to spend it with their iPads, cell phones, and laptops for surfing Internet, looking at
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, and playing video games. These things unfortunately are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for youngsters than helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with beneficial services.

To sum up, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
less than their peers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nature of the life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is difficult;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
youngsters, and lots of musing means take younger
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 519

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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