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TPO 24 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v.2

TPO 24 One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v. 2
I am of the opinion that motivating the young people to do job is significant preparation for the individual' s adulthood. I feel this way for several main reasons. To begin with, children will learn new competency because they may undergo some difficulties while performing the novel matter. It is requisite knowledge and savvy to experience better future life since they will be prepared mentally and physically. My personal experience is compelling example of this. Around three years ago, I started doing full-time job during my summer holiday in light of convince of my parents. Even though I found it formidable, I accustomed one months later. Afterwards, I revealed that even my learning and focusing ability improved because I had improved my self-discipline and changed my point of view about life. Secondly, adolescents will learn how they should manage their salary. They may comprehend value of money since they earned it themselves. Therefore, juveniles probably achieve more economical point of view by doing job. For example, previous year, my friend who spends too much money on unnecessary things started doing job. Henceforth, I realized that money he spends declined in amount although his earning had improved. When I ask him about reason why he changed personal attitude towards cash, he noted that his aspect have changed because of change in understanding of money. Finally, juveniles will confront new environment and atmosphere by doing new job. Therefore, they will meet new people and vicinity, which is prodigious practical knowledge to manage their life in future. For instance, last summer, my friend who is timid and do not have any friend but me, started doing job with multitude whereas it was challenging for him. Afterwards, he ended up becoming benevolent and open to others because he made large body of friends while working. In conclusion, I feel that working before get eighteen has huge impact on personal behavior. This is because they will make friends, learn the value of money and gather great knowledge.
I am of the opinion that motivating the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is significant preparation for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s adulthood. I feel this way for several main reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, children will learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
competency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties while performing the novel matter. It is requisite knowledge and savvy to experience better future life since they will
be prepared
mentally and
physically
. My personal experience is compelling example of this. Around three years ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during my summer holiday in light of convince of my parents.
Even though
I found it formidable, I accustomed
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one month", "a month", or simply "months"?
one months
later. Afterwards, I revealed that even my learning and focusing ability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
my self-discipline and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my point of view about life.

Secondly
, adolescents will learn how they should manage their salary. They may comprehend value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
since they earned it themselves.
Therefore
, juveniles
probably
achieve more economical point of view by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, previous year, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who spends too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Henceforth, I realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he spends declined in amount although his earning had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. When I ask him about reason why he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
personal attitude towards cash, he noted that his aspect have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in understanding of money.

Finally
, juveniles will confront
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment and atmosphere by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and vicinity, which is prodigious practical knowledge to manage their life
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
, last summer, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who is timid and do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
me,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with multitude whereas it was challenging for him. Afterwards, he ended up becoming benevolent and open to others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he made large body of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
while working.

In conclusion
, I feel that working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
eighteen has huge impact on personal behavior. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, learn the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and gather great knowledge.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 24 One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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