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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v.591

One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v. 591
I personally agree that by encouraging the teenage children to take a part-time job, the parents can help them to prepare for future life. There are several ways to make contribution that children being prepared for their future life like reading certain books or taking part at several social activities but by taking part-time job the teenage children can learn specific skills and abilities at the shot time. Doing part-time jobs provides the children with the golden opportunity to develop their knowledge about special abilities that they have. For example, a child who works with a mechanic person can find that his ability to realize tools and their application for repairing a car is high. By discovering his talent, the child can set his goals easily and he can select appropriate major for his academic life which would never happen if he did not like to take a part-time job. Moreover, by doing these kinds of activities like summer jobs, children can learn certain skills that are not taught at school. For example, children can learn how to save their money and how to realize emergency situation to spend their money. Some famous businessmen learned these key skills when they worked at an early age and their skills prepared them for gaining big successful position in their future life. Taking part- time jobs also provides children with the best situation to educate psychological abilities like how to act in order to be independent and how face with problems and solve them. The children get more confident by having jobs and when they do some activities correctly; their confidence will increase to do more activities. As an example, the child who works at the grocery store and sells candies to other children has more confidence to do other activities because he enforces himself to think different and sell more candies to children. In addition, he can present himself better than other children who did not have part-time jobs because of communicate with people. In conclusion, I personally believe that by having part-time job, the teenage children can improve their abilities, discover their hidden talents, and develop their social skills which will eventually lead to increasing their chance to get good position and job in future life.
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that by encouraging the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to prepare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are several ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contribution that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being prepared
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like reading certain books or taking part at several social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
at the shot time.

Doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the golden opportunity to develop their knowledge about special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
that they have.
For example
, a child who works with a mechanic person can find that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to realize tools and their application for repairing a car is high. By discovering his talent, the child can set his goals
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
he can select appropriate major for his academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which would never happen if he did not like to take a part-time job.

Moreover
, by doing these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are not taught at school.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how to save their money and how to realize emergency situation to spend their money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
businessmen learned these key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
when they worked at an early age and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
prepared them for gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
successful position in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life.

Taking part- time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
also
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the best situation to educate psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
like how to act in order to be independent and how face with problems and solve them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more confident by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and when they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
correctly
; their confidence will increase to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As an example, the child who works at the grocery store and sells candies to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has more confidence to do other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he enforces himself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and sell more candies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, he can present himself better than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who did not have part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that by having part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
, discover their hidden talents, and develop their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which will
eventually
lead to increasing their chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v. 591

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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