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TPO 23 - Q2)1Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

TPO 23 - Q2)1Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
Nowadays, some countries spend money on space investigation. According to this expenditure, two ideas were created which are proponent and opponent toward this investment. I personally believe that my country needs to save money for spending it and different aspects of people live rather than any unnecessary part like space research. This essay tries to prove that space research is not as necessary as people's daily needs. Today, by increasing urban living more investment is demanded through the different needs of a developing society. These needs include many things such as food, health, sanitation, retirement, medicine and so forth. People have a right to use all the services of a society without the consideration of their social status. For example, all the children have to be vaccinated through free plan programmes to place people with equal level of a standard life to be able for improving their condition. Also, a free system of education gives anybody a chance in order to change the destiny. Many talented people may lose their fortune to educate if they have no money for attending in classes. However, some countries are thinking about the condition of the world in the future. The environmental problem and some lack of resources on the earth cause to an investigation on other planets through rich countries. Nevertheless, I think that poor country have not enough money knowledge and experience to invest in some projects which are not in a fast payoff. In addition, it would be a big fail and hazard that places these countries to a dilemma even for providing food and it is totally a waste of money. In conclusion, spending money on earth is a risk that the rate of this risk is much higher for poorer country. In contrast, for rich countries, it could be a big achievement by finding many resources on other planets or finding new sciences that totally change the condition of a country to be a dominant nation in the world.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on space investigation. According to this expenditure, two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
were created
which are proponent and opponent toward this investment. I
personally
believe that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for spending it and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
rather
than any unnecessary part like space research. This essay tries to prove that space research is not as necessary as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily needs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, by increasing urban living more investment
is demanded
through the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
needs of a developing society. These needs include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as food, health, sanitation, retirement, medicine and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all the services of a society without the consideration of their social status.
For example
, all the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be vaccinated
through free plan
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with equal level of a standard life to be able for improving their condition.
Also
, a free system of education gives anybody a chance in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the destiny.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose their fortune to educate if they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for attending in classes.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are thinking about the condition of the world in the future. The environmental problem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lack of resources on the earth cause to an investigation on other planets through rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
knowledge and experience to invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects which are not in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
payoff.
In addition
, it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fail and hazard that places these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to a dilemma even for providing food and it is
totally
a waste of money.

In conclusion
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on earth is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that the rate of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is much higher for poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
achievement by finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources on other planets or finding new sciences that
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the condition of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be a dominant nation in the world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 23 - Q2)1Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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