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Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
There is no doubt that the significance of animals in the world plays a crucial role. Therefore, it has been contemplated by a number of animal lovers that animals should receive the same liberty and rights like us, whereas sceptics argue that they are responsible to satisfy numerous demands from the society. I do accord with the latter statement and in this essay, both views will be explored with pertinent examples. One concern is that animals undoubtedly assist the whole ecosystem to gear towards a balanced way. Thus, this is indeed unfortunate when a few businesspeople snatch their freedom for the selfish reason of a community, the nature becomes imbalanced for the absence of them. To give an illustrative example, small birds, who depend on flowers, are one of the core reasons for pollination that results a billion dollars food market all over the world. So, it would be barely possible to sustain the human race if animals get continuously exploited by people. On the other hand, numerous vegetarians are falling sick for the lack of proper nutrition, notwithstanding their healthy diet and body. This is because animals, such as chickens, cow, and so forth are still now the primary source of our meals and many health benefits. For instance, consumers can barely ensure the necessary amount of natural protein if they decided not to eat any red or white meat. Furthermore, any medical development, especially in terms of new vaccine or medicines, heavily rely on animal bodies first rather than human's for piloting so that many residents can be benefitted. In conclusion, I think that animals are complementing us in one way or another. While a myriad individuals think that animals should be free like us in order to keep a safe and sound nature, other opined that we should employ animals as per our needs for the better future.
There is no doubt that the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the world plays a crucial role.
Therefore
, it has
been contemplated
by a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
lovers that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should receive the same liberty and rights like us, whereas
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptics' is British English.
sceptics
argue that they are responsible to satisfy numerous demands from the society. I do accord with the latter statement and in this essay, both views will
be explored
with pertinent examples.

One concern is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
undoubtedly
assist the whole ecosystem to gear towards a balanced way.
Thus
, this is
indeed
unfortunate when a few businesspeople snatch their freedom for the selfish reason of a community, the nature becomes imbalanced for the absence of them. To give an illustrative example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
birds, who depend on flowers, are one of the core reasons for pollination that results a billion dollars food market all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be
barely
possible to sustain the human race if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
continuously
exploited by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, numerous vegetarians are falling sick for the lack of proper nutrition, notwithstanding their healthy diet and body. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, such as chickens, cow, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the primary source of our meals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health benefits.
For instance
, consumers can
barely
ensure the necessary amount of natural protein if they decided not to eat any red or white meat.
Furthermore
, any medical development,
especially
in terms of new vaccine or medicines,
heavily
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
bodies
first
rather
than human's for piloting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are complementing us in one way or another. While a myriad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "individual"?
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be free like us in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a safe and sound nature, other opined that we should employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as per our needs for the better future.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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