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Question 2Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Question 2Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
It is common to see young children taking part in some sorts of paid work in many nations. While this has an adverse effect on children to some extent, it is my belief that those working children could gain greater benefits including working experience and personal responsibility. Admittedly, there are some problems associated with children engaging in doing paid work. From the education perspective, involving in such activities may cause students to suffer from additional stress and pressure in their already busy studied lives. This is because taking time to work would reduce children’s time on studying and relaxing. To illustrate, my 17-year-old cousin used to work part-time as a waiter and even though his shift only last 4 hours a day, his mental and physical health was negatively affected, leading to a reduction in his academic performance. However, there is a need to encourage children to enter the workforce for some reasons. Firstly, children engaging themselves in a working environment could get useful practical experience. In other words, by learning, academic subjects at school, children are less likely to develop their problem- solving skill, which they could learn if doing a part-time job. Secondly, since they are paid to work and may be fired if not doing it well, children would be more aware of their responsibility and this is one of the most essential factors for students to become a good citizen in their later lives. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of allowing young students to go to work outweigh the disadvantages.
It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. While this has an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is my belief that those working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could gain greater benefits including working experience and personal responsibility.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engaging in doing paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. From the education perspective, involving in such activities may cause students to suffer from additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure in their already busy studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
time on studying and relaxing. To illustrate, my 17-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time as a waiter and
even though
his shift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
last 4 hours a day, his mental and physical health was
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, leading to a reduction in his academic performance.

However
, there is a need to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enter the workforce for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engaging themselves in a working environment could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful practical experience.
In other words
, by learning, academic subjects at school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less likely to develop their problem- solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, which they could learn if doing a part-time job.
Secondly
, since they
are paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and may
be fired
if not doing it well,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be more aware of their responsibility and this is one of the most essential factors for students to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen in their later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, I believe that the advantages of allowing young students to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outweigh the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Question 2Some people enjoy spending their free time alone in activities such as reading, thinking, or writing. Others enjoy spending their free time in shared activities with other people. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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