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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v.1

: Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1
It has been a contentious issue among parents, whether reading a book is more beneficial than watching electronic devices. Even though state-of-the-art gadgets can be helpful for youngsters, I believe that reading written materials can be advantageous. Reading books play a significant role in improving children’s creativity because it can motivate them to imagine specific circumstances by reading written books. They are able to visualize and picture the contents by envisaging the scenes. As a result, younger generations can create their own stories and images. According to research, children who tend to read books are easily likely, to propose their own ideas than those who do not as they can simulate the situation on the spot even if they do not have any experiences about it. Therefore, written materials can boost their creativeness. On the other hand, utilizing electronics such as TV or computers can have a great impact on provoking youngster’s interest since visualized photos or videos that are provided can attract their attention. Children would be able to relish watching them without any effort. As a result, they can have a whale of a time on studying with intriguing resources. For example, in Korea, parents give their children tablets to make them familiar with English. Accordingly, younger ones tend to consider it as one of the plays so that they have fun to learn English. Thus, watching TV or using computers can grab children’s attention. To sum up, although electronic can increase younger’s interests about education, I strongly believe that reading a book enlarges their imagination and creativity.
It has been a contentious issue among parents, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is more beneficial than watching electronic devices.
Even though
state-of-the-art gadgets can be helpful for youngsters, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
written materials can be advantageous.

Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
play a significant role in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can motivate them to imagine specific circumstances by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. They are able to visualize and picture the contents by envisaging the scenes.
As a result
, younger generations can create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
stories and images. According to research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who tend to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
easily
likely, to propose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
than those who do not as they can simulate the situation on the spot even if they do not have any experiences about it.
Therefore
, written materials can boost their creativeness.

On the other hand
, utilizing electronics such as TV or computers can have a great impact on provoking youngster’s interest since visualized photos or videos that
are provided
can attract their attention.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
would be able to relish watching them without any effort.
As a result
, they can have a whale of a time on studying with intriguing resources.
For example
, in Korea, parents give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tablets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar with English.
Accordingly
, younger ones tend to consider it as one of the plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have fun to learn English.
Thus
, watching TV or using computers can grab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attention.

To sum up, although electronic can increase younger’s interests about education, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
enlarges their imagination and creativity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay : Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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