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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since the Internet is now replacing their functions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since the Internet is now replacing their functions. v. 1
Since the fees of universities are skyrocketing, it gets really difficult for students with poor financial condition to get the tertiary education. Some people believe that, the government should help such students by making the admission process easier. So that, everyone can get the university education and hence, any one can get the lucrative job. I totally agree with this statement and the reasons of my inclination are explained in trailed paragraphs. First and foremost, it is the fact that, educated human resource is an essential asset for any nation, because, only literate people can help the country to grow more and only they can represent the nation at the global platform. Therefore, the authority should ensure that everybody can get the proper education, irrespective of their financial situation. For example, even though having thirty percent of poverty in Singapore, it has the highest literacy rate and it is one of the main reasons behind the highest GDP growth of this country. Secondly, in an egalitarian society, every citizen should get equal rights, including education, food and shelter, even if they cannot afford it. If there would be any injustice in getting such fundamental rights, there may be some chaos in the society. So, to live and to be lived peacefully, it is mandatory that, every student should get the university education and governments can help them by providing subsidies as well as offering them various kinds of loans. To conclude, despite university education's utmost importance, some people cannot get it, just because of their monetary crisis. So, considering the importance of education, it is the responsibility of the government to make it available for all kinds of students whether they are rich or poor.
Since the fees of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are skyrocketing, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
really
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with poor financial condition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by making the admission process easier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
hence
,
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the lucrative job. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and the reasons of my inclination are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

First
and foremost, it is the fact that, educated human resource is an essential asset for any nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
literate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country to grow more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can represent the nation at the global platform.
Therefore
, the authority should ensure that everybody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, irrespective of their financial situation.
For example
,
even though
having thirty percent of poverty in Singapore, it has the highest literacy rate and it is one of the main reasons behind the highest GDP growth of this country.

Secondly
, in an egalitarian society, every citizen should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal rights, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, food and shelter, even if they cannot afford it. If there would be any injustice in getting such fundamental rights, there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chaos in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
peacefully
, it is mandatory that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by providing subsidies
as well
as offering them various kinds of loans.

To conclude
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education's utmost importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their monetary crisis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, considering the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it available for all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whether they are rich or poor.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since the Internet is now replacing their functions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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