Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v.2

TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 2
obtaining our goals in the future is a momentous subject for human. our success is thoroughly depends on our purposes and our efforts and most importantly our behavior. some people believe that being diligent in educational issues is more important rather than social ability but personally, I think that capability of relating with people is more instrumental for becoming an accomplished person for ourselves and for our society. I will substantiate my point of view in the following paragraphs. The first reason coming to mind to elucidate my standpoint is concerned with this issue that people will be exposed to numerous situations to learn novel matters by having strong relationship with other people. For example, how to be humorous? how to be hardworking? how could we earn more money? how we could be a good researcher? All of these experiences will be achieved easily by having broad relationships with others. The second reason behind my opinion is rooted in a fact that possibility of our success will soared if we broaden our friendship with more people because these friends sometimes suggest us some unpredictable ways for triumph. In order to shed lights on this matter I will explain one of my personal experiences. my friend, Ali, is an easygoing person and he always begins to speak with other people in different situations. As a result, he has innumerable friends in varied administration offices and different universities even overseas. one year ago, he could get admission for PHD in one of well-known abroad universities in favor of one his friends that he had found in a scientific convention. As you can see being an easygoing person could be very beneficial and unpredictable in some cases. In brief, I believe that having widespread relationship or even friendship with other people is essential for being successful in the future because not only we will obtain numerous traits from different people but also they will be prone to help us and recommend us some unpredictable positions which facilitate our way for accomplishment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
obtaining
our goals in the future is a momentous subject for human.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
our
success is
thoroughly
depends on our purposes and our efforts and most
importantly
our behavior.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that being diligent in educational issues is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rather
than social ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that capability of relating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more instrumental for becoming an accomplished person for ourselves and for our society. I will substantiate my point of view in the following paragraphs.

The
first
reason coming to
The verb 'mind' is used with the gerund form: "mind elucidating".
mind to elucidate
my standpoint
is concerned
with this issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be exposed
to numerous situations to learn novel matters by having strong relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, how to be humorous?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
how
to be hardworking?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
how
could we earn more money?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
how
we could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
researcher? All of these experiences will
be achieved
easily
by having broad relationships with others.

The second reason behind my opinion
is rooted
in a fact that possibility of our success will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "soar"
soared
if we broaden our friendship with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
suggest us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpredictable ways for triumph. In order to shed lights on this matter I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
one of my personal experiences.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, Ali, is an easygoing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
he always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to speak with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
As a result
, he has innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in varied administration offices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
universities even overseas.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
year ago, he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission for
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "PhD".
PHD
in one of well-known abroad universities in favor of one his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
that he had found in a scientific convention. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
being an easygoing person could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial and unpredictable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

In brief
, I believe that having widespread relationship or even friendship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
essential for being successful in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we will obtain numerous traits from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will be prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us and recommend us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpredictable positions which facilitate our way for accomplishment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts