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Some people say that cities are a better place for children to grow up in, while others believe countryside is the right choice. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and examples v.2

Some people say that cities are a better place for children to grow up in, while others believe countryside is the right choice. 2
Some people say that cities are a better place for children to grow up in, while others believe countryside is the right choice. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and examples. People have different views about upbringing their children in city or the country. While some argue that it would better for children to grow up far away from city, I believe that city is the best place for them. On the one hand, rural areas can take into account as the best place for children for several reasons. Firstly, people are always looking for a quiet and peaceful place and all these coalesce in a rural area apart from its beautiful scenery. People who live in these places are far away from hustle and bustle of a city have more free time than city dwellers. Therefore they can spend more time with their children. Secondly, due to the lower rate of committing crimes in a rural area, parents feel more safety to raising their children. For example, when children spend their free time in a playground without any supervisor. Finally, quality of foods and air are fantastic. All ingredients are produced organic and fresh air are not polluted by vehicles. On the other hand, living in a city also has a range of benefits. Firstly, nowadays, most of the facilities such as best schools, university or other types of education facilities are primarily founded in the city. Therefore, children who live in a city are privileged to continue their education in the reputation schools. Secondly, apart from education facility, health system are much better in an urban area than a rural area. Parents in cities have accessed to the best doctors and there is wide range of hospitals as well. Thirdly, children who are lived in cities have more chance to find a job in future. Finally, there are a wide variety of entertainment facilities in cities such as museums, theme parks, cinemas and so on. Consequently, children have more choice to do in their spare time. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against upbringing children in the urban or rural area, but I believe that living in the city has brought more opportunities for children than the rural area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up in, while others believe countryside is the right choice. Discuss both views, give your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion and examples.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about upbringing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in city or the country. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it would better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up far away from city, I believe that city is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for them.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can take into account as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for several reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are always looking for a quiet and peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and all these coalesce in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
apart from its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are far away from hustle and bustle of a city have more free time than city dwellers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they can spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, due to the lower rate of committing crimes in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, parents feel more safety to raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their free time in a playground without any supervisor.
Finally
, quality of foods and air are fantastic. All ingredients
are produced
organic and fresh air are not polluted by vehicles.

On the other hand
, living in a city
also
has a range of benefits.
Firstly
, nowadays, most of the facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
schools, university or other types of education facilities are
primarily
founded in the city.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a city
are privileged
to continue their education in the reputation schools.
Secondly
, apart from education facility, health system are much better in an urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. Parents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have accessed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
doctors and there is wide range of hospitals
as well
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have more chance to find a job
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Finally
, there are a wide variety of entertainment facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as museums, theme parks, cinemas and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more choice to do in their spare time.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments both for and against upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the urban or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that living in the city has brought more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that cities are a better place for children to grow up in, while others believe countryside is the right choice. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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