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TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v.1

TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 1
Health problems are increasing throughout the world lacking strong immunity and the environment. In some countries, the minimal weight of the public is going up and they are becoming unfit day after day. This essay will discuss the main reasons that are responsible for the health deterioration and major solutions which can be effective to overcome those difficulties. To begin with, two main causes are responsible for health issues in some countries: Lacking workout and lacking quality foods. Exercise is an important part of good health. Research shows that about 80% of people are not doing enough workout regularly to get fit in the USA and for this reason, they are becoming unfit to work under pressure month after month. Besides, good foods lead to better health, but some countries are not providing enough quality foods to their citizens. For example, some developing countries such as South Asian countries have several bad activities regarding foods like formalin, antibiotics in chicken, milk, and chromatin in dairy. So if this happens then it is impossible to get fit by having poisonous foods. However, several solutions can be done to sort out the problems, but among them, I think two things are vital: Aerobic exercise and increase food quality along with food intake. A government can run gymnasium area to area and also can motivate their people to workout twice per week at least. Also, they can build-up a low-cost gym in every corner of the country. Day after day, the public will become used to do a regular workout because they will have a priority about their health. Protein is the building block of life and minerals work to keep body healthy balance. If people able to get high-quality foods and minerals, then their health will be improved dramatically. Similarly, foods and protein intake should be increased by giving them low-cost food which will have high ingredients. In conclusion, while lacking exercise and good foods can reduce the health quality, but I think the daily aerobic workout and an ample amount of greens, fruits, vegetables can be great sources to compensate mineral deficiencies in the health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
problems are increasing throughout the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lacking
strong immunity and the environment. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the minimal weight of the public is going
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
they are becoming unfit day after day. This essay will discuss the main reasons that are responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
deterioration and major solutions which can be effective to overcome those difficulties.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, two main causes are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Exercise is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that about 80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit in the USA and
for this reason
, they are becoming unfit to work under pressure month after month.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to their citizens.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as South Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like formalin, antibiotics in chicken, milk, and chromatin in dairy.
“So if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So if
this happens then it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit by having poisonous foods.

However
, several solutions can
be done
to sort out the problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
among them, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
two things are vital: Aerobic exercise and increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can run gymnasium area to area and
also
can motivate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
twice per week at least.
Also
, they
The word 'build-up' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can build-up
a low-cost gym in every corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Day after day, the public will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will have a priority about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Protein is the building block of life and minerals work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
body healthy balance. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and minerals, then their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
dramatically
.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and protein intake should
be increased
by giving them low-cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which will have high ingredients.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lacking
exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the daily aerobic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
and an ample amount of greens, fruits, vegetables can be great sources to compensate mineral deficiencies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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