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TPO 20 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v.1

TPO 20 – task 2: Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v. 1
Access to technology has increased significantly over recent decades, and the children playing games on gadgets has increased too. The main problem this has caused is violence, and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign warning parents about the danger of adolescents to spend their time on games. The problem associated with the more use of computer games by children, much of this related to the violence they contain. Because, most of the games are rewarded for being violent, and this violence is increased again and again. This may lead to aggressive feelings, thoughts and behaviour among them. For example, A recent Government survey found that 82% parents feel very possessive behaviour among their children who are spending much of their time on games. To tackle this problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate the dangers of using computer games, and the parents need to tackle specific steps. Further, Games should be rated according to their content, so, parents should check this and ensure these children are not allowed to have access to unsuitable games. Even, They can set a time limit on the length to play games. An awareness campaign could shed some light on this challenging situation, and allow parents to be more open and honest about it. For instance, A similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in children violent behaviour because of parents support. To conclude, Spending much time on computer games is a significant issue that can result in children bad behaviour; however, it can be addressed through educating their parents about the dangers.
Access to technology has increased
significantly
over recent decades, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on gadgets has increased too. The main problem this has caused is violence, and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of adolescents to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on games.

The problem associated with the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, much of this related to the violence they contain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are rewarded
for being violent, and this violence
is increased
again and again. This may lead to aggressive feelings, thoughts and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among them.
For example
, A recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
survey found that 82%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
possessive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are spending much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on games.

To tackle this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of using computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to tackle specific steps.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
should
be rated
according to their content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
this and ensure these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have access to unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Even, They can set a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit on the length to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. An awareness campaign could shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this challenging situation, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be more open and honest about it.
For instance
, A similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support.

To conclude
, Spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a significant issue that can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
;
however
, it can
be addressed
through educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay TPO 20 – task 2: Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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