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Agree or disagree? Successful person try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already doing what they already know to do well. v.1

Agree or disagree? Successful person try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already doing what they already know to do well. v. 1
Mostly in every man's life, the news plays a vital role. The daily news provides information about what is happening around a man, and with which people are starting their daily work. However, there is both good and bad news, both are equally important. Firstly, each man should have knowledge about what is happening in the world that is why the news is more important. Especially, the adults should have proper knowledge of the new rules that the government will be brought into action. For instance, the country is spending millions in the space research purposes, but the people without the news, would not know where their tax money is spent. Secondly, the public will gain more general knowledge, which in fact is more needed for a person. The media people, to make their channel top of the list, often go for contradictive news. Additionally, they investigate an incident, and try to dig up the negative. The people's nature is to find faults in others, so they end up watching bad news. For example, the people watch a news with interest if it is against the government. This is why the negative news trend more. In my opinion, the media people should focus on the good news as well as the bad ones because the nation should get proper information. If the media focus on the bad ones, the people won't know about the good things happening around them. Finally, it is more important to focus on good news like the regional festivals so that people will understand the unity. To conclude, the media is a powerful weapon which can be used in either way. Obviously, it is in the hands of the channels and newspaper to bring out the truth to the world.
Mostly
in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
plays a vital role. The daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
provides information about what is happening around a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, and with which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are starting their daily work.
However
, there is both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Firstly
, each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
should have knowledge about what is happening in the world
that is
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Especially
, the adults should have proper knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
be brought
into action.
For instance
, the country is spending millions in the space research purposes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, would not know where their tax money
is spent
.
Secondly
, the public will gain more general knowledge, which in fact is more needed for a person.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their channel top of the list,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go for
Possible spelling mistake found.
contradictive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Additionally
, they investigate an incident, and try to dig up the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's nature is to find faults in others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
with interest if it is against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This is why the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
trend more.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the nation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper information. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things happening around them.
Finally
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
like the regional festivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will understand the unity.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a powerful weapon which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in either way.
Obviously
, it is in the hands of the channels and newspaper to bring out the truth to the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Successful person try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already doing what they already know to do well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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