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Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v.1

Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v. 1
In recent years, what to do in difficult times has become debatable. Many individuals share the view that accepting an unfavorable circumstance is better than improving it mainly because these situations happen for a reason known as fate. I am of the opinion that, every negative state should provide conditions for improvement because this improves mental health. More often than not, the major reason for this school of thought is mainly attributed to, religious belief of fate. In other words, believing that everything happens for a particular reason, and changing it would be against fate. A research carried out in 2017, by the Globalcom Ministry, for example, suggested that about 65% of persons who accepted unpleasant treatments either from, fellow workers or students, were religious believers that believed in a higher being called fate. Thus, this group believes that every condition was preordained. A different group, on the contrary, share the opinion that it is favorable to improve unfavorable conditions mainly because it affects mental health. This implies that, every individual should rise above negative circumstances such as limited funds, as well as, hostile work environment. Take for example, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that, the major causes of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and also low financial status. Hence, improving the negative conditions would improve our mental health thereby, reducing depression, as well as, death by suicide. In conclusion, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a reason, I am of the opinion that every person should improve every negative state whether job related or otherwise.
In recent years, what to do in difficult times has become debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals share the view that accepting an unfavorable circumstance is better than improving it
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these situations happen for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
known as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fate
. I am of the opinion that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
state should provide conditions for improvement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
mental health.

More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is
mainly
attributed to, religious belief of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fate
.
In other words
, believing that everything happens for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, and changing it would be against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fate
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
carried out in 2017, by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Globalcom
Ministry,
for example
, suggested that about 65% of persons who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
unpleasant treatments either from, fellow workers or students, were religious believers that believed in a higher
being called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fate
.
Thus
, this group believes that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
was preordained
.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group,
on the contrary
, share the opinion that it is favorable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
unfavorable conditions
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects mental health.
This implies that
, every individual should rise above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
circumstances such as limited funds,
as well
as, hostile work environment. Take
for example
, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that, the major causes of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and
also
low financial status.
Hence
, improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
conditions would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our mental health thereby, reducing depression,
as well
as, death by suicide.

In conclusion
, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, I am of the opinion that every person should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
state whether job related or
otherwise
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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