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55. What do you think the students should do in their vocations? Please includespecific examples and details in your statement. v.1

55. What do you think the students should do in their vocations? Please includespecific examples and details in your statement. v. 1
The entertainment industry has become a symbol of affluence. It is therefore not surprising that some individuals believe stars are outrageously paid. I completely agree with this opinion and I believe that professionals who are involved with the welfare of the people such as health personnel, farmers -to mention a few- should rather be paid more. Firstly, lavishing footballers, actors and musicians with so much money is synonymous to a waste of the nation’s resources. This is because, a lot of them affect the youths negatively with the way they flaunt their wealth all over social media and this has pushed a lot of young boys and girls into depression. The money should therefore, be channeled into establishing University or college graduates in business. By so doing, most of them whose salary is meagre or without a job will benefit and live a better life. For instance, the government of Nigeria has slashed the monthly income of footballers by half and created business opportunities for interested youths, thus, taking them off the streets. This therefore, has contributed to a reduction in the rate of unemployment. Secondly, reducing income of stars in the entertainment industry will help to improve the overall health of the people. This can be achieved by increasing the income of health professionals as this will serve as a motivation for better commitment to their job. In addition, the people’s well being can also be improved by supporting farmers financially to boost their farm produce. For example, China’s investment in Agriculture has made them the highest importer of food products, therefore causing an improvement in their economy. In conclusion, investing in the welfare of the people with the wages allocated for star entertainers is more economical and will cause an overall turn around in the nation’s economy
The entertainment industry has become a symbol of affluence. It is
therefore
not surprising that
some
individuals believe stars are
outrageously
paid. I completely
agree
with this opinion and I believe that professionals who
are involved
with the welfare of the
people
such as health personnel, farmers -to mention a few- should
rather
be paid
more.

Firstly
, lavishing footballers, actors and musicians with
so
much money is synonymous to a waste of the nation’s resources. This is
because
,
a lot of
them affect the youths
negatively
with the way they flaunt their wealth all over social media and this has pushed
a lot of
young boys and girls into depression. The money should
therefore
,
be channeled
into establishing University or college graduates in business. By
so
doing, most of them whose salary is
meagre
or without a job will benefit and
live
a better life.
For instance
, the
government
of Nigeria has slashed the monthly income of footballers by half and created business opportunities for interested youths,
thus
, taking them off the streets. This
therefore
, has contributed to a reduction in the rate of unemployment.

Secondly
, reducing income of stars in the entertainment industry will
help
to
improve
the
overall
health of the
people
. This can
be achieved
by increasing the income of health professionals as this will serve as a motivation for better commitment to their job.
In addition
, the
people’s
well being
can
also
be
improved
by supporting farmers
financially
to boost their farm produce.
For example
, China’s investment in Agriculture has made them the highest importer of food products,
therefore
causing an improvement in their economy.

In conclusion
, investing in the welfare of the
people
with the wages allocated for star entertainers is more economical and will cause an
overall
turn around in the nation’s economy
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 55. What do you think the students should do in their vocations? Please includespecific examples and details in your statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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