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TPO 20- Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the plan described in the article. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO 20- Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the plan described in the article. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Finances play vital role in the development of children. It is said that kids with well to do families are good enough in tackling the challenges of adulthood as compared to a child from a poor family. I personally believe, regardless of cash, better parenting is also imperative for their offsprings. Rich parents provide all the amenities or luxurious bread for their children. As a result, children are not habitual for the struggle in leading a being. It's become very late when they experience the harsh reality outside the home. For instance, when celebrities face the failure in their career instead of taking mature decision, they end up taking their lives. As changes are inevitable in life and one has to accept the fact that everything doesn't come on a plate. Providing an ample amount of pocket money to children are sometimes become so cautious. They might addictive to bad habits like smoking, drugs and video games. Albeit, they become so insensitive that they don't even care about their parents. However, it is not always the money that makes good citizen, rather the implementation of parents morale also decides how well they are ready. Conversely, kids with poor families are grown up without proper facilities. As a result, those kids know the value of money and gone through the struggle in every stage of their life. For example, the younger IPS officer of Gujarat, Safin Hasan comes from a poor background, achieve great height of success with his sheer dedication and hard work. Therefore, kids with scant funds are automatically prepared for setting a target and make plans for pursuing them. To sum up, coins are pivotal in building the better future. Poor children are better prepared while face ups and downs in their adulthood as compared to wealthier children. However, I believe that parenting is also far more important.
Finances play vital role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well to do
families are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in tackling the challenges of adulthood as compared to a child from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
family. I
personally
believe, regardless of cash, better parenting is
also
imperative for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.

Rich parents provide all the amenities or luxurious bread for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not habitual for the struggle in leading a being. It's become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late when they experience the harsh reality outside the home.
For instance
, when celebrities face the failure in their career
instead
of taking mature decision, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up taking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are inevitable in life and one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
accept the fact that everything doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on a plate.

Providing an ample amount of pocket money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
cautious. They
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
might addictive
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking, drugs and video games. Albeit, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
insensitive that they don't even care about their parents.
However
, it is not always the money that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen,
rather
the implementation of parents morale
also
decides how well they are ready.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families
are grown
up without proper facilities.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
know the value of money and gone through the struggle in every stage of their life.
For example
, the younger IPS officer of Gujarat,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Safin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hasan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
background, achieve great height of success with his sheer dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with scant funds are
automatically
prepared for setting a target and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans for pursuing them.

To sum up, coins are pivotal in building the better future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are better prepared while face ups and downs in their adulthood as compared to wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, I believe that parenting is
also
far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 20- Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the plan described in the article. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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